Let's make it happen

Timeless virtue 6: selflessly serve others

2012-02-22T10:45:00.000-08:00

Selfless: the word itself is in danger of falling out of the dictionary it is so seldomly used and so out of line with the individualistic, materialistic characteristics of modern day society in general." What's in it for me?, Why should I" would be the most common reactions.

Yet this attitude of self-centredness makes our world so small, so confined. We envy others, feel hard done by and urge ourselves to do more and faster in order for our ego to be satisfied and for us to move to the top of the pack.
Robin Sharma says: " No matter what you have achieved and how many things you own, the quality of your life will come down to the quality of your contribution (...) When you work to improve the lives of others you indirecly elevate your own life in the process". (so not entirely selfless!)

He goes on to explain what a paradigm is. Knowing that we each perceive the world in a different way, a paradigm is the view we have. A bit like a lense, an optimist will see the world rosy or the glass half full, a pessimist will see it gloomy and only notice what is missing. Here he means that in order to be happy, we need to review why we are here on Earth to put things into perspective. As he so rightly states" Just as you entered the world with nothing, you are destined to leave with nothing." The reason we are here is to contribute to the world in as large or as small a way, but to fulfill our individual purpose.
This echos again that amazing little book from Viktor Frankl: " Man's search for meaning" and Frankl's conviction than man's central motivator is to live a life of purpose. In order to do that we need to detect our destiny, our personal purpose.The amazing thing being we are always provided with the skill set needed to fulfill that destiny, whatever it may be.

Sharma:" The sages of the East call it the process of shedding the shackles of self." Stopping seeing ourselves as an individual, but part of the collective.And our aim, to contribute in a positive way to the collective.
It doesnt have to be huge things:yes we can volunteer time, we can donate money but we can also make sure that every day we make at least one random act of kindness:helping a stranger, saying a nice word to the cashier, praising someone, offering a flower, bringing a cup of coffee, making someone laugh.

Living is giving and this mindset brings with it so much more peace and satisfaction than something material whose attraction disappears as soon as we get it.

So what can you do today to contribute?
Let's make it happen!

Timeless virtue 5: Respect your time

2012-01-23T07:26:00.000-08:00

On we travel with Robin Sharma through his book: "The Monk who sold his Ferrari". Today we are talking about what matters most, setting priorities, and making the most of our most precious commodity: time.

Balance around our priorities is the key concept.
Most of us either live frantically in the futur, planning and scheduling and dont stop enough to smell the roses or float through life without clearly defined goals and wonder where on earth all our days have gone when we havent achieved half of what we had wanted to do.

Mr Sharma is all for planning: " failing to plan is planning to fail." Slightly kitschy but does make the valid point that if we dont have the discipline to determine our priorities and focus our time around them, they are most likely to remain in the dream arena.

He refers back to the Pareto Principle which you may know as the "80/20" rule. That is the scientific fact that 20% of what we do leads to 80% of our results.20% of what you do will have an influence on the quality of your life. So be ruthless with your time and say no to the things which "waste' your time.
That does not mean rushing around hectically. That means determining which are the purposeful, meaningful things you want to focus your life on. Even if that means shutting down your computer and playing with total attention with a child, listening whole heartedly to a friend in need, honouring the values and fulfilling your life mission.

Goethe wrote:" Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least."
Robin Sharma urges us to simplify our lives: "Too mnay people are dreaming of some magical rose garden on the horizon, rather than enjoying the one growing in our backyards."
We need to cultivate a "deathbed mentality", making every moment count.Then all the little details which can make us so mad and are the cause of so much stress, just merge into insignificance in the background.

One of the simple quotations I like the most in his book is his recommendation to: "Never be a prisoner of your past, but the architect of your future."
Dont waste time fretting about past mistakes or events, learn from them and use them to build your future.

Here is to making it happen!

Timeless virtue four: live with Discipline

2012-01-14T09:46:00.000-08:00

Discipline, now that sounds painful.But Robin Sharma brings it down to a more human level by comparing self discipline and will power to a wire cable where each stem alone is not so resisitant but all these small components woven together create a cable stronger than iron. The sum is larger than the total of the constituent parts. What it means is that small, tiny acts of self discipline, woven together create " an abundance of inner strength". I like that idea! Anyone can develop a willpower of steel through a small daily training.
Having this self discipline provides us with a huge feeling of peace, knowing what is right and doing it daily.

"Don't race against others, race against yourself" he adds. In this way we both avoid pointless envy, worry and demotivation and pursue with passion and motivation a constant improvement on ourselves.Sounds like a good goal to have, in particular in January of a New year!

Remember what we said earlier in this blog" Will is the King of Mental powers. When you master your mind, you master your life." (The Monk who sold his Ferrari)
Based on old Eastern principles he is convinced that positive always overcomes negative. So even if the negative thoughts have usually won, pursue your fight with conviction and the positive ones will overcome. Once this train of thoughts is changed, and changed regularly, the path will become effortless. But at first it takes self discipline.

One tip he gives to cultivate this self-discipline is the use of mantras, repeating a few words:
" Words are the verbal embodiment of power.By filling your mind with words of hope, you become hopeful.By filling your mind with words of kindness, you become kind. By filling your mind with thoughts of courage, you become courageous."

He suggests this one. Sit somewhere quiet and still your mind, then repeat aloud over and over again: " I am more than I appear to be, all the world's strength and power rests inside me."

Self discipline starts with small steps, large journeys are covered in small steps.
Let's make it happen!

Timeless virtue three:practice kaizen

2011-12-02T05:49:00.000-08:00

Here we are at the third timeless virtue based on Robin Sharma's book: "The monk who sold his Ferrari", and it is the practice of kaizen.
Kaizen is a Japannese word referring to the concept of endless improvement, of continually striving to improve. So it is not a question of having some New Year Resolutions and ticking them (or not) from our list, but of making it a virtue in itself to incorporate constant evaluations and new goals in our lives.
He has a few strong points here:

1. "No man is free who is not master of himself".This is food enough for a whole blog. For now, let us say it is knowing who we are and accepting who we are and doing what we know is our rightful way, adjusting and improving along that way.

2. Pain is a great teacher. This sounds rather masochistic but just as in sport a muscle needs to break its boundaries to grow (hence muscle ache, in the same way pain introduces new boundaries to us and through learning our way through them, we grow. We learn new aspects of ourselves, we learn how to cope.
He adds:" No experience is inherently painful or pleasant, it is your thinking that makes it so".Mmm...not our usual way of thinking...

So what Mr Sharma suggests is to identify and conquer our fears, our weaknesses. I quote: " The only limits on your life are those that you set yourself: make a written inventory of your weaknesses, when you conquer your fears, you conquer your life." Hence being master of yourself, and free.
In a way, he is saying that fear is a conditionned response and we need to question that. This is bringing to mind a training I did years back as I started off as management consultant. We were a group of ambitious young rookies and during our training we needed to make various presentations. I was terrified. I seem very confident on the outside but within I was thinking up all sorts of excuses why I had to leave and panicking totally. So what did I do? I always volunteered first. By doing this I eventually conquered the fear and what a gratifying feeling that was. And so in life we are frequently confronted by fears, new ones, recurring old ones and we need to find them, face them, question our fear and then go and do what we fear the most! So what are your fears?
To help us on our kaizen way he adds 10 tips on rituals we should incorporate into our daily routine to live a radiant life:

Ritual 1: A ritual of peace.Create a daily period of peace, a ritual of solitude (ideally at the same time as rituals like consistency), commune with nature daily. Inspire from its beauty, its logic, its life force.

Ritual 2: a Ritual of physicality (daily exercise: ideally a min of 30 mins and preferably outside)

Ritual 3:Ritual of live nourishment: (if its dead: dont eat it. He recommends only fresh vegetables, fruit, grain: ouch to most of us)

Ritual 4:The ritual of abundant Knowledge: (dedicate yourslef to a life long learning, make time to think, read regularly)

Ritual 5:A ritual of personal reflection (reflect on your day, cultivate positive thoughts, laugh, learn from the less positive experiences)

Ritual 6: A ritual of early awakening. Yes, I can hear the groans. He recommends rising with the sun and basing your daily rythm on it, taking from its energy.(I dont mind in winter)

Ritual 7: A Ritual of music. Create time to relax and listen to the harmony of music, let it transport you, carry your thoughts.

Ritual 8: The Ritual of the spoken word ( create a mantra that will inspire and ground you and repeat it out loud)

Ritual 9: The Ritual of a congruent character (strengthen your character: reap an action, sow a habit) Timeless principles of: industry, compassion, humility, patience, honesty and courage. Decide where your weaknesses lie and envision the differences and continuously work towards it.

Ritual 10: A Ritual of simplicity (do not unnecessarily complicate your life: put first things first, set priorities in a value based way)

And for today I shall finish with a quotation of his which particularly resonnated with me:
"Laughing is medicine for the soul, we don’t laugh because we are happy, we are happy because we laugh".
I love it! So keep laughing!!!!

Follow your Purpose

2011-11-19T05:06:00.000-08:00

Still based on Robin Sharma's book: "The Monk who sold his Ferrari", now that we have explored timeless virtue number one: Master your mind, it is time for timeless virtue number two: Follow your purpose.
Thankfully coaching is not a set of random, unconnected principles and virtues so this of course ties in nicely to all the self discovery we have done on this blog about " Leaving a legacy" and finding our personal life mission.

AS he says:" The purpose of life, is a life of purpose." Simple and true.
He adds: "Lasting happiness comes from steadily working to accomplish your goals and advancing confidently in the direction of your life’s purpose". I am less versed in all things Eastern but he bases this quotation on the ancient principle of dharma which says that everyone of us has a heroic mission while we walk this earth. That we have all been granted a unique set of gifts and talents that will allow us to realize this lifework. The key is to discover them, and in doing so, discover the main objective of your life.

So how do we do that once we have discovered it ?(see previous blogs if joining me now!). By setting goals. Indeed, my favourite occupation! The difference between a dream and a goal is a date. Deciding what we want, what we need to do and when we are going to do it.
I couldnt agree more when he says: "People spend their whole lives dreaming of becoming happier, living with more vitality and having an abundance of passion. Yet they do not see the importance of taking even 10 minutes a month to write out their goals and to think deeply about the meaning of their lives, their Dharma. Goal setting will make your life magnificent.
My previous blogs are full of the importance of goals so I will limit myself here to presenting you Robin Sharma's 5 step method:

- Create a clear mental image of the outcome you desire (magic of the lake)
- Create positive pressure to inspire you (master your thoughts)
- Attach a timeline to your goal and commit it to paper (wrte it down to make it happen. He introduces the concept of a dream book)
- Magic Rule of 21: commit for 21 days. In 21 days you create a new neural pathway and he emphasises the tremendous power in ritual.
- Enjoy the process

The journey of a 1000 miles starts with a single step, so what is holding you back?
Let's make it happen!

Let's make it happen: Control your mind or it controls you

2011-11-10T01:57:00.001-08:00

Let's make it happen: Control your mind or it controls you: This week we remain within the beautiful garden of our mind with two more exercises you can use to remove the weeds, the toxic waste to cont...

Control your mind or it controls you

2011-11-10T01:57:00.000-08:00

This week we remain within the beautiful garden of our mind with two more exercises you can use to remove the weeds, the toxic waste to continue refering to Robin Sharma's book: "The Monk who sold his Ferrari".
Last week we examined The heart of the rose with view of controlling our thoughts and cultivating inner stillness.
Just like weeds take over a garden, if we do not control our thoughts, they will control us.
Robin Sharma says: "If you want to live life to the fullest, care for your thoughts as you would your most prized possessions".
So what can we do to get rid of worry and other energy draining negative thoughts?
We can pursue the art of Opposition Thinking. As the negative thought enters your awareness: immediately switch it to an uplifting one. He uses the metaphor of a giant slide projector and whenever that negative slide comes up: click it away and replace with a positive one.
Last week I was asked to make a presentation in Third Grade (9 year olds) along the theme " Free to be you and me" and we also talked about our influence over our thoughts. For them I used the metaphor Kathryn Kramer uses in her book on Asset Based Thinking for Teenagers of a television set. Imagine your brain is a television set with only two channels: the positive one where everything looks bright and cheerful and the negative one where everything is black and grey and gloomy. The only person with the remote control is you and there is always something playing on the other channel. The kids loved it and we tried it out on many real life examples!
So whether the slide projector or TV set, train your brain to immediately detect negative, draining thoughts and replace them by their opposite and become aware of how it affects your body posture, your breathing and how more empowered you are to deal with the issue.

The oher exercise he mentions derives from the concept that everything is always created twice, once in the mind and then in reality. So in order for something to come about, we first need to be able to see it in our mind.This is what turns dreams and desires into reality, being able to see them happen. This lets us know it is possible.

His exercise is called: The secret of the lake
It is very simple. Sit somewhere quiet, shut your eyes and imagine a lake. A large beautiful lake. The water is perfectly still and calm. And as you gaze at it envision your dreams becoming reality. See yourself doing what you aspire to do. Feel how that person doing it feels in her body.What do you hear? Make it as vivid and real as you can. You are only limited by your own imagination.
Pictures affect our self-image and our self-image affects the way we feel, act and achieve.
Try this every day for a few minutes, mentally rehearse how it will be once you have reached your goal.
Robin Sharma goes as far as to say: " If there is a lack in your life, it is because there is a lack in your thoughts."

So lets control those thoughts, lets make sure they take us where we want to be going!
Enjoy the rose, enjoy the lake and more next week! Let's make it happen!

Let's make it happen: Cultivate your garden

2011-11-03T01:43:00.001-07:00

Let's make it happen: Cultivate your garden: This metaphor is used in so many books! Being brought up in the French educational system, my first thought is "Candide" by Voltaire. But so...

Cultivate your garden

2011-11-03T01:43:00.000-07:00

This metaphor is used in so many books! Being brought up in the French educational system, my first thought is "Candide" by Voltaire. But so many more take up this image of our mind as the garden where we cultivate our thoughts, plant new thoughts, remove weeds and create harmony.

Over the next few weeks I would like to use my blog to explore what Robin Sharma, in his book:" The monk who sold his Ferrari" called the seven timeless virtues for an enlightened life.

Cultivating your garden is the first.

" In the fable, the garden is the symbol for the mind. If you care for your mind, nurture it and cultivate it just like a fertile rich garden, it will blossom far beyond your expectations.But if you let the weeds take root, lasting peace of mind and deeper harmony will always elude you."

Many more authors have taken up the idea that we are what we think about most of the time. Earl Nightingale said, "The strangest secret is that we become what we think about, most of the time." It all begins in the mind. Thought is the cause. Behavior is the effect. We think, and with those thoughts, we create.

Robin Sharma goes on to talk about the toxic waste we let into our garden: all the guilt about the past, the fear and worries about the futur which siphon off our energy and our self-confidence. We should learn from the past but convert the lessons into positive thoughts. He also mentions " impoverished thinking" claiming that in general, the average persons thoughts are for 95% exactly the same they had the day before!!! I find that quite scary!

However practically the only thing we can control is our minds. We have a choice how to respond, we have a choice how to interpret what happened to us. But we need to make that choice. Our mind, like our body, needs to be trained to think in a positive way, all the more so if we have indulged in negative thinking and unnecessary and inefficient guilt and anxiety trips.

Concentration is essential to stop those worry energy leaks.
Robin Sharma mentions various exercises to help:

The heart of the rose:
All you need is a silent place and a fresh rose and all you need to do is really look at it, stare at its center, its heart, noticing all the fine details about its structure, its color, design, fragrance. Each time your mind strays to other thoughts, bring it back to the rose. Really relax into it. Welcome the calm, this is your oasis. Start holding your thoughts for just a few minutes then see if you can take it longer and longer: "taking back control of the fortress of your mind".
Winston Churchill said: " the price of greatness is responsibility over each of your thoughts."

Either you control your mind, or your mind controls you.

Enough food for thought for this week! Next week I will continue with two further exercises to cultivate that wonderful garden within, just desperate to be cleared of weeds and enabled to blossom!

So here is to be admiring the heart of the rose and ridding our minds of toxic waste!
Let's make it happen!

Introducing Chakras

2011-10-21T07:25:00.000-07:00

Now this is new stuff for me, a whole new world really but the book was recommended by someone whose opinion I respect so I gave it a go and found it very inspiring. The book is called: "Eastern body - Western mind. Psychology and the chakra system as a path to the self" by Anodea Judith.
It is ancient knowledge.
She says: "The Chakra system describes the energetic structure through which we organize our life force: a seven level philosophical model of the universe. A Chakra is a wheel and refers to the spinning sphere of bio energetic activity emanating from the major nerve ganglia branching forward from the spinal column."

So basically we have 7 Chakras located in our body, in a straight line from our pelvic area to the crown of our head and each is linked to a developmental age. They each have Identities, issues, elements, colours, rights, demons and archetypes.
The energy flows then up and down in our body from the more grounding aspects (survival, sexuality, power), upwards towards the consciousness chakras: love, communication, intuition and cognition.
What we can do is recognise issues which are plaguing us, trace them to their respective chakras and work on releasing the energy stored there enabling it to flow freely between the upper and the lower spheres.
There was something deeply grounding in working through this book and the information is shared with practical tips and suggestions which I found very helpful.
There are also some wonderful quotations she uses to support the understanding. Here is a quick overview of the seven Chakras:

Chakra One, is Survival
Element: earth, colour: red, right: to be here

Chakra Two Sexuality
Element: water, colour: orange, right: to feel
"E-motions are energy in motion, if they are not expressed, the energy is repressed." John Bradshaw

Chakra THree Power
Element: fire, colour yellow, right to act
" If we deny the child the right to act or assert herself as an autonomous being, then we lead her to question that right throughout her life. We need to guide without suppressing the delicate, emerging ego."

Chakra four: Love
Element : air, colour green, right to love
"In order to have intimacy, we first need to have a sense of self. We need to be able to love our own self enough to offer it openly to someone else."

Chakra five: Communication
Element is vibration, colour blue, right to speak
"The narrowest passage within the whole chakra system, the throat is literally a bottleneck for the passage of energy. Only when mind and body are connected do we have true resonance.If we do not express the vibration, the impact is stored in the body as stress."

Chakra six: Intuition
Element is light, colour: indigo, right to see
"Pattern recognition requires the ability to see simultaneously into past, present and future." Vision leads us forward, illusion holds us back."

Chakra seven: Cognition
Element is thought/consciousness, colour is violet, the right to know
" To realize one's universal identity is to recognise our many identities as suits of clothing. They are clothing that I can put on and take off when appropriate because they are not the sole statement of who I am."

The quotations alone here could fill many a blog. Food for thought.
There is so much more but maybe these little tidbits will whet your appetite to finding out more about the power of the Chakras and how we can use that knowledge to become more fulfilled and whole with free flowing energy in our lives.
Let's make it happen!

Let's make it happen: The Glorious Power of Sharing

2011-10-13T06:12:00.000-07:00

Let's make it happen: The Glorious Power of Sharing: Well having just finished a fascinating book called: " Eastern Body, Western mind" I had decided to write about Chakras and how we can use t...

The Glorious Power of Sharing

2011-10-13T06:11:00.000-07:00

Well having just finished a fascinating book called: " Eastern Body, Western mind" I had decided to write about Chakras and how we can use them to align ourselves in life but I have just had such a wonderful morning, I wish to share that simple lesson instead!
It is about the Glorious Power of Sharing and how fulfilling, inspiring and vibrant it is!
This morning I hosted one of my "Coffee with Contents" around the theme "Leaving a legacy" I have been talking about here. I was graced by 8 wonderful, motivated, intelligent and perceptive women who allowed me to share some of the knowledge, wisdom, skills I have acquired. This in turn gave me so much energy, motivation, pride and that glowing feeling of having been authentic to myself. Of having followed our personal life purpose.
We shared on so many levels: I shared my knowledge, they shared their time, I shared my coffee, they shared their money, I shared tips, they shared feedback, I shared my story, they shared theirs, we shared refelection, insight, humour and humanity.By the symbiosis of sharing, the end product ended up being so much more than the sum of our individual contributions leaving us feeling linked in some deep, primary way.
They left feeling inspired, proud of having made time to grow in this way, leaving me grateful and humble and dedicated to my purpose.
The energy they gave me propelled me outside in the glorious autumn sun for a one hour jog along the Greibnitzsee where again I experienced the glorious power of sharing. Sharing the beauty of nature and the glory of physical exercise with other cyclists, joggers and walkers. Sharing the mutual acknowledgement with an elderly lady on a bike, sharing the mutual pride and exhilaration in the thumbs up with a fellow female jogger crossing my path. Sharing the link of simple human pleasures. It reminded me of last summer when I went jogging on a particularly hot day (probably atoning for too many slices of lemon cake!). A fellow jogger coming in the opposite direction had slowed to a walk to drink out of a water bottle and as I approached he generously offered out his bottle. Spontaneously sharing his precious water, sharing the knowledge of the madness of us jogging in this heat, sharing a botherhood of sports. He didnt actually know that I was followed by my family support team on their bikes carrying my water but who had temporarily delved into the blackberry bushes so I actually declined with a big thanks. Yet I was moved by his gesture.
These are the simple sharings which give such a depth to being human.
So what can you share today?
Share a smile with a little old lady walking down the street?
Share a moment of tenderness with a chld?
Share a funny story with a friend?
Sharing, for the pleasure of sharing, without expecting anything in return. And you may be surprised what you do get back!!
So happy sharing and thank you for having shared this story with me!

let's make it happen!

Let's make it happen: Detecting your legacy

2011-09-27T06:55:00.000-07:00

Let's make it happen: Detecting your legacy: This is the part where it all comes together: your roles and responsablities and what was important about them for you, the core values you ...

Detecting your legacy

2011-09-27T06:52:00.000-07:00

This is the part where it all comes together: your roles and responsablities and what was important about them for you, the core values you have detected by using any/all of the questions we mentionned 2 weeks ago, and what insights arose from the "beginning with the end in mind" exercise of last week.This is the red thread, where all of the above is condensed in a few words, or a few sentences or maybe more than that in what represents YOUR mission statement: your constitution.So what is your mark on the world? What do you want to be remembered for?A Personal mission statement should have the following qualities:- it is not invented, but detected- it is unique to you- it represents the best in you- it is higher than yourself- it covers all significant roles- it is to inspire and not to impress.It is worth the time and effort as this mission statement becomes your constitution: the criterion by which you measure everything else in your life. The beauty of it is that this is by no means " lost time" the time it takes you to detect it and word it, because in effect, the process itself, the inner journey you take, is just as important as the product.It makes you question your priorities and align your behaviour with your beliefs. Knowing what is important to you, knowing what you need to do, and doing it.I agree with Stephen Covey when he says: " A mission statement is not something that you write overnight. It takes deep introspection, careful analysis, thoughtful expression and often many re-writes to produce its final form." But when you do get it, and everything sort of clicks into place it is such an emotional and grounding feeling: yopu come together as a whole! I admit to having gotten quite emotional when I finally got that far!But just as our life is " work in progress", we need to regularly review and fine tune it over the years.Find your mission, cultivate it, integrate it, live it, review it!With thanks to Stephen Covey and his book on " The 7 principles of highly effective people".Final quotation from Robin Sharma (from the book: The Monk who sold his Ferrari): " The purpose of life, is a life of purpose."have fun!Let's make it happen!

Begin with the end in mind

2011-09-20T23:21:00.000-07:00

This is one of the many valuable suggestions leading American coach Stephen Covey mentions in his best seller: " The 7 Habits of Highly Effective people" .Continuing on my mission here to raise your awareness of the importance of being aware of what legacy we are leaving behind knowing that all of us have a unique purpose, mission in life which gives direction and meaning to our life. That we need to detect it and it is through living it that we feel fulfillment and happiness.We have covered so far why it is important and started defining our roles and our core values, but today I wanted to mention this exercise which is maybe faster to do and will help point you in the right direction.Sit somewhere quiet where you will be undisturbed, with your notebook and pen ready to capture your thoughts and relax...Imagine yourself quietly entering a church, you walk gently down the aisle noticing many people you know in the aisles alongside. The atmosphere is subdued and peaceful. Maybe the organ is playing and rays of sun are filtering through the painted glass of the church windows. You see a casket on the alter surrounded by flowers and gently approach it... And yes, it is you lying there peacefully at the end of your life. Once you have recovered from the shock, you sit to the side and listen to the service.Three people take turns to talk about you and the impact you had on their lives and on the lives of others: a family member, a friend and maybe someone you worked with if relevant.What do they say about you? What was your mark on the world?Is it what you would want them to say?I had quite a revelation when I did that and one of my sons stood up to talk. He somehow mentionned some of the things I would have wanted him to: That I was funny and had loads of ideas and encouraged and motivated them but he also said I pushed a lot and could get quite bad tempered when they didnt fulfill my expectations, that it was hard living up to my standard of always doing your best, that I was always very busy rushing about doing hunderds of things at the same time and didnt make time to really listen to what they were saying....and I knew this was true.The advantage of this formula is you can work on it immediately and start living the life you want to have lived and having the impact you want to have on others RIGHT NOW.So let's make it happen!

Core values: what do you need to be happy?

2011-09-13T03:53:00.000-07:00

Our values are our guiding principles and they measure the meaning that life holds for us. They are like a compass ensuring we stay on purpose, the purpose that we have detected as we move through the various paths of life.

Our goals, dreams and desires are merely the vehicle for fulfilling our values.” What we do depends on what we feel about what we know” . So to come back to our life destination, values are the compass by which you direct your life. Identifying and clarifying them helps us make decisions and ensure that we don’t drift through life but live on purpose. Thomas Mennard said: “ Needs drive us, values guide us”.

So what is important to you? With my clients we start basically brainstorming, letting all ideas out before making sense and categorizing. I prefer not providing a shopping list as we then tend to choose ones we think we should have or that others think we should have, but prefer detecting our values from our life. There are various questions you can ask yourself:

- Peak moment in time: when was a time you felt particularly happy? A time when just everything seemed right? Who was there? What was happening?
- Suppressed values: what makes you really angry? Then flip it over and find the values which are being suppressed.
- Must haves: sometimes some values are particularly clear to us and we know if we dont have them in our lives, a part of us just withers away.
- Obsessive expression: what do your friends make fun of you about? Often these things reflect a value which is particularly important to you
- What do you do really well? We often do really well at the things which come naturally to us.
- What do you enjoy sharing? Same thing really, the things we enjoy sharing are often the things closer to our heart.

Once you have a list, a pattern will start to emerge, hence the importance of writing them down. Do not worry too much about the precise wording. You can start by stringing a few words which represent to you more or less the same value together and group them under headings.

You need however to keep drilling to make sure they are actually values and not what we call " means values". What does X bring me? Money for example is not a value but a means value, when asked: what does money bring you, the question will deliver the value: security, recognition…

Group, compare, prioritise, until you get to 8 core values: the names or categories only need to make sense to you.

By now you should start to feel parts of you coming together and a mounting excitement at the clarity it brings.
This is usually not a 5 minute process. It can take days and months to fully feel you have the essence of what is important to you. The important thing is to launch the process and be ready to capture what emerges over the days, just let it come and flow.
It is a wonderfully grounding experience to be able to crystallise your personal happiness into eight or so words.

Good luck! Just let them come and next week I will explain another exercise to help you detect your personal recipe for happiness: beginning with the end in mind.

Let's make it happen!

Defining where you are going

2011-08-25T10:48:00.000-07:00

Oopps, I did it again and disappeared for a while! We went on a wonderful 4 week road trip through Poland, Lithuania, Latvia, Estonia, Finland, Sweden, Norway and Denmark! It was wonderful, the children were fantastic: we visited a lot, learnt and grew a lot and bonded as a family, so a truly fulfilling holiday and I kept a daily blog there too so was not completely idle!!

But back to coaching and self-development!
I read a fantastic book called "Core Transformation" by Conninrae and Tamara Andreas about reaching the well spring within which I hope to present to you soon.

But back to where I had left you: compiling a list of the life roles and responsabilities you hold and listing what is important to you about them.
This is part of a three question workshop which I use with my clients to define their life purpose. What is the purpose of your life?

In Viktor Frankl's book: " Man's search for meaning" which is an absolute MUST READ, a gem of a book, he explains why he his convinced that the primary human drive is not pleasure but the pursuit of what we find meaningful.

Once we know what we find meaningful we can use this to steer us in our lives otherwise we run the risk of drifting by try and error and looking back to a life full of regrets.
This does not however mean that we live a life of rigidity, blind to the many opportunities thrown our way. It means that we are aware of the direction we would like our life to go, the direction which gives meaning to our life though we may take many varied paths to get there.

This meaning, this purpose can also be defined as our legacy. What do we want to be remembered for?
S. Covey in his inspiring book: " First Things First" talks about us being fulfilled by a life that responds to 4 human needs:
- the need to live which is then physical needs (Shelter, food, health...)
- the need to love (friends, family, and to be loved), this is the social need
- the need to learn which is the mental need (self development) and
- the need to leave a legacy which is the spiritual one, meaning, purpose, vision.

In his view the need to leave a legacy is the " key to the fire within, which transforms other needs into capacities for contribution."

So that is where we are starting. One way I go about helping my clients detect their purpose (as Frankl says: " we detect our purpose, we do not invent it")is through the three steps we started last time. The first being to define goals and responsabilities and next week we move on to defining our Core Values.

What are the ingredients you need in your life to be happy?

Let's make it happen!!!

What matters most to you?

2011-07-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

First of all, to those of you following me regularly: a big sorry for the long absence, it was a question of "First things first" and new clients, presentations, my NLP Practitioner written integration document and of course children end of year program just needed priority! Not in that order mind you!
But I have missed my blog and am eager to share my motivation for getting our lives in order so we can live them to the full.

So...Do YOU know what matters most for you to feel happy and complete? What are the vital ingredients you need in your life to feel fulfilled?
The thing is, we are usually quite fuzzy on what those ingredients actually are but if we don't know what these are: how can we be doing our best to live a happy, contented, fulfilled life?

Values basically measure the meaning that life holds for us and our goals, dreams , desires are simply the vehicule for fulfilling our values.So this is pretty important, dont you think?
We have core values which are really at the heart of who we are and from those we also have relationship values, education values, work values...etc Knowing these helps us make the rtight decisions in all areas of our life.

In order to work on finding these vital ingredients I quite like the "What matters most" process defined by Hyrum W. Smith.
Lets us look at the first step:

Get hold of your notebook and start making a list of the roles, responsabilities and relationships you have in your life. We can start from the very large picture: as in we are all members of the human race, of a family...etc but then whittle it down to you: maybe you are a Mother, a daughter, a sister, a wife, an employee, a friend, a helper at the library...etc
Once you have them listed, prioritise them to the ones which are the most important to you, bringing the list down to the main seven and rank these seven by importance.
What things seem the most important from the life roles you have identified?

I shall let you ponder on these, hoping you note it all down and next week we will continue with identifying your governing values!

let's make it happen and live a fulfilled life, full of purpose and meaning, knowing we are moving forward to being our personal best!

How whole do you feel?

2011-05-05T23:55:00.000-07:00

Hello dear fellow bloggers,

Sorry for the delay between postings, life is running away with me at the moment!

Today I wanted to talk about parts, and feeling whole. I knew of course the feeling of expressions " a part of me felt like this", or "I don't know what came over me"...etc but it is only when I did the NLP practitioner course that I discovered the concept more in depth. It really resonnates with me.

In brief, the idea is that we start off whole and if, mostly when we are young, we have an experience which is too overwhelming, our psychological immune system protects us from pain by breaking that part off and isolating it within our unconscious. Now this does not have to be a tragic trauma. It can just be a particular feeling of rejection as a young child for example. So then try and imagine that wound as a dot which will then over the years gather around it circle after growing circle of protective layers to isolate it as we develop different ways of coping through the ages. Maybe you first reverted to a teddy, then to a friend, then to keeping busy all the time or later for example using alcohol (in extreme cases). This part, that we are not usually aware of, manifests itself in an incongruence in our behaviour, feelings of tension as if there is a battle going on amongst different parts in us. Maybe one urging us forward to enjoy life and take risks, and the other blocking all we do to prevent us from getting hurt again. These parts can grow to develop their own values and belief system and can appear to have " a mind of their own". It takes a huge amount of energy to maintain these different parts.
These parts however all have a positive intention. They were all created to protect us from pain. The problem is that their purpose and intention often clashes with how they function and the behaviour they induce. Hence feelings of tension, frustration, of being torn and not being whole.
And we miss that wholeness. That powerful yet serene feeling of groundedness when we feel aligned with ourselves, at peace.
In NLP there is a wonderful tool called "Parts Integration", at the same time very simple, but deep and incredibly powerful. My analytical mind was pretty sceptical when I first read about it but I was blown away when during our training it was done on me and yesterday I used it with a client over the phone (which I was then amazed at but thought worth a try)and he was amazed at the results even though he is a very down to earth, anaytical person.

The most important part is for just a moment, suspending disbelief, relaxing and just feeling free to talk. There is no being hypnotised or being in a deep transe. You just relax and guided by the practitioner let the two parts come out on different hands and we talk with them, describing them, identifying their purpose and basically chunking up until we have identified a joint purpose, the initial wholeness. Sometimes there is an exchange of qualities and ressources between the two parts and a gradual feeling of coming together which in most cases manifests itself through the hands coming together.
My client yesterday described a strong feeling of magnetic attraction between his hands as they moved together as if of their own accord. Some then seem to instinctively bring their joint hands up to their heart or chest to feel even deeply the sense of integration, of coming together. That feeling of peace as the two parts join forces for the common goal, an increase in energy yet a deep, deep peace.
I would recommend it to everyone. It is simple, pain free, no need to revisit any painful memories, it just feels natural and profoundly transformational.
Here is to coming together!

What love language do you speak?

2011-04-07T12:07:00.000-07:00

Now this is a very interesting concept which I found in a book called " The five love languages" by Gary Chapman. Someone mentionned it and I must admit at first to have not been particularly interested in reading it until she said it had probably saved her mariage! So I suspended my disbelief and sure enough, this really makes sense!
The concept is that just as we have different ways of viewing the world, what happens to us...etc, we also have different ways of expressing our love. Just as any language, the important thing in communication is actually being understood. So are you and your partner speaking the same love language or talking at cross purposes? Maybe worth investigating! It certainly was an eye openener for my husband and I!
Mr Chapman mentions 5 basic Love languages (how we express our love).
1. Words of affirmation
(Thanks, encouragement, kind words, humble requests,actually saying: I love you)
2. Quality time:
(undivided attention, listening, talking about feelings, shared quality activities)
3. Receiving gifts:
(Gifts as investment, gift of self)
4. Acts of service:
(Doing things: cooking, cleaning, emptying dish washer)
5. Physical touch
(Which is not limited to sex but a hug, a kiss, a pat, holding hands...etc)

So for example my husband would say: "But of course I love you: I bring you flowers". I would appreciate the flowers yet not see those as meaning he particularly loved me. However if he emptied the dish washer without me asking him I would feel he really did love me. Once we became aware we were speaking different languages and once I had understood that though he appreciated all the acts of service I do,he felt loved if I hugged him or held hands then I could express my love in a way which made him feel loved. And that is the whole point isnt it?
Maybe worth working out first for yourself what makes you feel loved and then ask your partner!
Lots of little misunderstandings (or sometimes not so little)can be cleared in this way enabling us to have clear and strong relationships where we feel understood and can give freely in return!

Let's make it happen!

Body and mind spring clean: make room for the new!

2011-03-24T03:28:00.000-07:00

I dont know about you in your various parts of the world but spring is definitely on the way here! The sun is shining, the flowers are blossoming, the buds are showing and there is that exciting renewal feeling in the air!
The windows stay open, we linger to chat to the neighbours, take stock of what needs doing in the garden and generally feel energised,hopeful and ready to emerge from hibernation.
Hence spring clean where we de-clutter our house, wash the windows, re-acquaint ourselves with the garden and generally feel in a change mode.
This is also the time when we emerge from our huge jumpers and layers of clothes to often realise that hidden under there are other extra layers which were nice and comforting in the cold but less so with the prospect of lighter clothing.
This is the right time for the body spring clean: the better eating habits, more fresh produce, salads and fruit. More sports or walks so that body can bloosom too.

Now what about the inner spring clean? This is a time of renewal. What unhelpful behaviours or attitudes do you have? Which one change would make the most difference to your levels of happiness, satisfaction, pride in yourself? Maybe during the long dark days of winter you made a list of New year resolutions. How far did you get? NOW IS THE TIME FOR ACTION.

Let's play a game! Don't think too much, just play along!

So choose one specific behaviour you want to have.

1. Select someone either real or imagined who already has that positive behaviour you want. You are now a movie director so play in your mind a film where your chosen character is displaying this behaviour. Really go into the details, see how they look, how they act, what they are doing. Hear what they are saying. Take your time tp picture it vividly in your mind's eye.

2. Now substitute the model for yourself. Actively see yourself doing what your model was doing, look at all the details. Hear your voice. Are there any circumstances when this behaviour may not be appropriate? If not, maybe make the picture a little brighter. Notice how it changes your life and those around you.
Keep modifying the film till it is precisely as you would want it.

3. Now step into your image in the film and see it through your own eyes. Feel what it feels like to have this behaviour and see its effect around you. Build it up, hear your voice and other voices around you. Feel the changes in yourself, watch what is happening around you as you display this new, positive behaviour. What new things are you telling yourself? How differently does your future look? How differently do you look at your past? What new and wonderful things do you have?

4. When would be a good time for you to use this new behaviour in the futur? What will you see, hear and feel as you use it?

5. Now pick another situation when this new behaviour will be useful. Play it in your mind. What are you seeing? What are you feeling? What are you saying to yourself and what are others saying?Enjoy it!

Well done! Now you know you can do it, you have seen yourself, you have felt how good it was and heard what others were saying. So what is stopping you? Go do it!!!!

I based most of this on one of the New Behaviour Generator sections from my NLP course with Noble Manhattan Coaching Ltd, with trainer Aina Egberg.

Let's make it happen!!!

The simplicity and powerfulness of NLP

2011-03-17T03:50:00.000-07:00

Dear followers,
Today I just HAVE to share with you my experiences on the NLP practitioner course I took last week in London or I will BURST!!!
I had been introduced to NLP during my life coach practitioner degree and as most coaches very much integrated the most wider used tools such as: understanding that we have different maps of the world based on our beliefs and values and experiences and how we interpret them. Being aware of how we use language to communicate, the modalities and submodalities we use and how we can use them to run more empowering strategies in our lives.
I am getting carried away ...please excuse me...
First of all: what is NLP?
Neuro Linguistic Programming is how to use the language of the mind to consistently achieve our specific and desired outcomes.We have strategies for everything we do which we are mostly unaware of, this is our software.Some are efficient and serve us well, others less so. When we procrastinate or devour compulsively a box of chocolates or convince ourselves we are no good, we are running efficient strategies, composed of a sequence of chain reactions involving our 5 senses.(visual, auditory, feeling, smell and taste).
So maybe we first get an image of a chocolate, then construct in our mouth feel of the consistency of the chocolate, then say to ourselves "I have had a bad day I deserve it", then feel justified, then act. Just an example. Once we are aware of what we do we can scramble that pattern and install instead a more empowering strategy if we feel we want to have more choice in our behaviour.Sometimes our software needs to be updated and we are running old programs which really do not serve us well.

The first wave of NLP, back in the 70s was rather manipulative and frightened a lot of people. What was wonderful for me this week was to see how some simple tools could transform in a short period the negative behaviour we were suffering from and wanted to change. There was no "programming" apart from what the unconscious mind itself was producing. There was also no need to go back to traumatic moments and dwell on them, the unconscious knew what we meant and just filled in the gaps. The practitioner did not even need to know the content of the issue, just prompt the client to use his 5 senses to be aware of the coding he had used and let his unconscious process the data. It was truly beautiful and profoundly inspiring.

A lot of this I would like to share with you,to enable you to live the life you wish for, free of negative behaviours and attitudes, and will introduce various techniques each week. Do not hesitate to comment!
Let's make it happen!

Yearbook of Experts - Member Profile: Julie Kennedy -- Accredited Personal Life Coach

2011-03-02T06:58:00.000-08:00

Yearbook of Experts - Member Profile: Julie Kennedy -- Accredited Personal Life Coach

Step 8 (final one): Feedback, reward, persistence

2011-02-25T04:21:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone and hopefully you have manged to follow the 8 steps to discovering and harnessing your motivation amongst my additional postings!
Step 8 is the last one of that series and has to do with MAINTAINING your motivation once you have discovered and harnessed it!
This has to do with keeping on track, maintaining focus on that which you want to achieve.
Use your book to track what works and what doesnt. Should you slip (and we all do), the most important thing is to examine lucidly what happened: what was the trigger, what were the circumstances and LEARN from it. Too many people are so angry at themselves for having slipped, they are prepared to give everything up! WRONG!!! There is no failure, only feedback. So what did you learn? Welcome this opportunity of having learnt more about yourself.
Keep track also of your ACHIEVEMENTS, however small they may be. We are often so busy beating ourselves up for everything that went wrong that we overlook all the times we did overcome. Acknowledging these achievements will make you feel good and fuel your motivation which is also why it is better to reach little steps and congratulate yourself than try huge ones where you risk landing on your nose with a stab to your confidence and motivation. Behaviour that is rewarded will more often be repeated.
I have been asked what sort of reward? Well that is really up to you and in no way needs to be extravagant, just a kind gesture to yourself, it is more about the message than the content!
PERSEVERE. Sometimes we seem to be doing everything right but are still not getting the result we want. Dont give up. Stay focused and confident that you are doing the right thing, stay centred, trusting the results are on their way.

Well that was the final installment on my 8 Step Methodology. One last reminder: YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE, make it the RIGHT one!

Yearbook of Experts - Member Profile: Julie Kennedy -- Accredited Personal Life Coach

2011-02-23T07:43:00.000-08:00

Yearbook of Experts - Member Profile: Julie Kennedy -- Accredited Personal Life Coach

ExpertClick News Release: Following your path as the other maps change around you

2011-02-17T06:16:00.000-08:00

ExpertClick News Release: Following your path as the other maps change around you

Step 7: Take MASSIVE Action!!!!

2011-02-04T07:19:00.000-08:00

Mmmmmm... this is the bit where quite a few start shuffling on their seat feeling uncomfortable. All the defining and planning was useful and eye opening, but now actually having to do something?
Yes you do. "If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got". As simple as that.
This is not about making a vague wish and sitting there waiting for it to happen. Because you know what? The probability it happens is not very high. Yes, you ask, yes you believe and trust it will happen but you also have to DO everything in your ability to make it happen! But the Good News is that your Fairy Godmother, the one person who can change that dream into a reality is not very far.
It is YOU. Only you. Your focus. Your WILL POWER fuelled by that deep motivation we anchored before.
Feel it! Get excited about what you are doing!
You can't wait to start implementing the changes, to face up to the temptations and win over the saboteur voice. Its just you speaking to you so make sure you choose the right words!
Welcome the pain, the uncomfort, the resistance knowing you are overcoming , secure in your power to win. Not sure I totally endorse the "No pain, no gain" but welcome the proof you are doing something different: you are on track to the new you!
However it is not about stressing and obsessing the whole time.

INTENTION: Know what you want
ATTENTION: Doing all it takes
LACK OF TENSION: Just letting it flow, reins in hand.

Now that feels great doesnt it?

Next week we will talk about rewarding to keep on track!

Let's make it happen!

Let's make it happen: Step 6. Make your goal S.M.A.R.T.

2011-01-28T07:27:00.000-08:00

Let's make it happen: Step 6. Make your goal S.M.A.R.T.: "Step by Step we are moving towards our Goal, knowing by now WHAT we want to attain, WHY this is important to us, having checked our BELIEFS ..."

Step 6. Make your goal S.M.A.R.T.

2011-01-28T07:26:00.000-08:00

Step by Step we are moving towards our Goal, knowing by now WHAT we want to attain, WHY this is important to us, having checked our BELIEFS and ANCHORED our motivation.
Now it is time to go back to where we stated our Goal, the WHAT we want and to make sure it is a S.M.A.R.T. goal.

What is a goal but a dream with a date? For if we aim at nothing, we are sure to hit it. So let's aim ay hitting what we want! Here we go:

S is for SPECIFIC.
Write it down. What specifically do you wish to attain? Whatever it is, you can specify it, be precise so you know what you are aiming at. Be as specific as you can, and write it all down.

M is for MEASURABLE.
A goal has to be measurable or how else will you know you have reached it? Even happiness and energy levels can be measured on number of days or on a scale of 1 to 10. Know what you are aiming for so you can measure progress and attainment.

A is for ACTIONABLE.
You have to take action, nothing is going to happen by itself.If you do what you always did, you are going to get what you always got. So what are you going to do? What are you going to do more of? Less of?
Identitfy danger zones, things, people, events which could put you off track, be aware of these and pre-plan solutions.

R is for REALISTIC
You are setting yourself up for success. If your goal is so ambitious that the chances of you succeeding are very slight you will only get discouraged. So set smaller, attainable goals. It may take longer but the motivation which you will get from making those smaller goals will see you through to the sweet finish.Small steps take you a long way and are a lot more efficient than one huge step which may end in your falling flat on your face and taking a while to recover.
Time also to check your ecology.How do your goals fit in with those around you? Are they do-able?

T is for time-framed
Back again to the dream with a deadline. Set your end goal and if it is far away, agree with yourself also on a medium term and a short term goal. What do I need to do this week in order to reach X by the end of the month? How many kilos? Exercise how many times? How much money? Whatever your issue, work backwards. And of course NOTE it all down.
Note the date , note the result, note the difficulties...

Keep that unswerving desire burning, keep track of your progress. Focus on the finishing line and enjoy the journey!

Once the plan is finalised, full of motivation and focus we will move next week to step 7: take massive action.

Let's make it happen!

Let's make it happen: Step 5. Anchoring your motivation. Part 2: Visuali...

2011-01-21T05:01:00.000-08:00

Let's make it happen: Step 5. Anchoring your motivation. Part 2: Visuali...: "Last week we talked about the importance of anchoring your motivation so you can access it when you need it most. We talked about the techni..."

Step 5. Anchoring your motivation. Part 2: Visualisations

2011-01-21T04:55:00.000-08:00

Last week we talked about the importance of anchoring your motivation so you can access it when you need it most. We talked about the technique of using affirmations and this week we continue on anchoring, using this time the tool of visualisation.

Visualisation is a very powerful technique.
Thought creates reality. The brain does not make a difference between something lived and something very vividly imagined! Intriguing isn't it? But true. Have you ever woken from a particularly powerful dream and for a while you are fuzzy about if it had actually happened or not?
Try it.

Take the thing, the state that you have determined as WHAT you want.
You need to sit somewhere quiet, where you can relax without any risk of being disturbed. Shut the door, put the phone on silent. Now sit comfortably with your back supported and your feet firmly on the floor. Let your hands rest on your knees in a natural position. Shut your eyes and take a couple of long, deep, and regular breaths. Feel yourslef really sinking deeper within yourself. Now visualise the new you having attained that which you seek. Make it as real as you can, with as many details as possible. All your mind must be engaged.
Visualise yourself having attained your goal: make it colourful, vibrant, highly desirable. What will you look like? How will you feel? What will people be saying around you and what will you be saying to yourself? Pay attention to the colours, the light. Are you seeing yourself as if you were a fly on the wall or are you looking through your own eyes? If you are not doing it already, associate with the new you, see through your own eyes. Make the new you picture even brighter,even bigger. Notice how you react to this.
Know you can do it, you will do it, you have just seen yourself do it.Install that photo in your mind. Take your time to install it firmly. It will help you bypass limiting beliefs.
Once you have it securely installed and you have enjoyed this visual of the new you with all your senses, gently bring yourself back to the now. Wiggle your fingers and feel your mind coming back to the surface, take a few deep breaths and open your eyes.

So how did that feel? Strong stuff!

Enjoy the feeling, go back there whenever you want and use it to fuel yourself forward.
Next week we will be looking at making your goal SMART.

Let's make it happen!

Let's make it happen: Step 5. Anchoring your motivation. Part 1: Affirma...

2011-01-14T00:22:00.000-08:00

Let's make it happen: Step 5. Anchoring your motivation. Part 1: Affirma...: "Now this sounds like fun doesnt it? The thing with motivation is that we dont always have it available when we need it the most.It is relati..."

Step 5. Anchoring your motivation. Part 1: Affirmations

2011-01-14T00:20:00.000-08:00

Now this sounds like fun doesnt it?
The thing with motivation is that we dont always have it available when we need it the most.It is relatively easy being motivated to lose weight when our tummy is full or when we are feeling great about ourselves, but how to stay on track when the going gets tough?
Hence the concept of anchoring. So what does an anchor do? When we throw an anchor on a boat (from a boat sounds better!)we are fixing where we want to be. At times the current, the tide, the wind may take the boat a little bit off track, but the anchor ensures that we come back to where we want to be. And that is also what anchoring our motivation will do for us.
So how can we anchor our motivation?
The two most common ways are by affirmations and visualisations.
Today we shall take a look at affirmations.

An affirmation is a word, a sentence, maybe a few sentences, that mean something to you and that you repeat to yourself so much that they become your self-talk. A few rules need to be obeyed. An affirmation needs to be:
- positive
- present
- personal

By positive I mean stating what you want and not what you are moving away from. Our brain does strange things with "donts".Our brain does not operate with negatives,they don't exist,so it wipes them out. So where does all your attention go? Sure enough: to that which you do not want."Don't think of a red car": we automatically do. So when we say: "don't smoke" to ourselves, our brain registers: " smoke, smoke". As philosopher Jung said: "What we resist persists", so do not give all your attention to that which you do not want.

Present:State your affirmation in the present tense and start acting the part now.Fake it till you make it and start developing now the qualities of the person you want to become.

Personal: this is about you and you must feel deeply spoken to by your affirmation so make it personal:
I am fit, firm and focussed. I am organised and in control. I am a great Mother. I am positive and motivated.I am great at what I do.

Whatever works for you as long as the three "P"s are respected.

Then REPEAT it all the time, in your head, out loud, write it on colourful cards. Affirm it to yourself as often as you can, till your message to yourself becomes fully ingrained in your sub-conscious.This will keep you focussed, keep you anchored to the destination you have chosen.

That is enough for us to focus on today, so why wait? Think up a word or a sentence which is your goal and start boldly telling your brain!

Good luck and more next week with anchoring by visualising!
Let's make it happen!

Let's make it happen: A resolution needs motivation so on to Step 4: Exa...

2011-01-05T01:44:00.000-08:00

Let's make it happen: A resolution needs motivation so on to Step 4: Exa...: "Happy New Year everyone! Now that we have taken stock of 2010 we need motivation to see those resolutions through! So lets continue on our ..."

A resolution needs motivation so on to Step 4: Examine your Beliefs

2011-01-05T01:43:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year everyone!

Now that we have taken stock of 2010 we need motivation to see those resolutions through! So lets continue on our 8 steps mission to discover and harness your motivation!
We have in Step 1: committed to paper, in Step 2:Determined what we want, in Step 3: Determined why we want it and now we need to take a little psychological break to examine the beliefs we hold regarding what it is that we want.
So, what is a belief?
A belief is a feeling of certainty we hold about something which is upheld by reference experiences.
In order for you to fully commit to getting what you want, you need to fully believe it is the right thing.I shall share an example with you:I had a client a few years back wanting to lose weight. She was doing very well up to a certain point and then went back to over-indulging. After a few sessions it appeared that what was holding her back after the initial thrill of losing weight, was her belief in what a thin woman was like. She believed thin women were boring, always saying no to the good things of life, drinking mineral water and nibbling on celery sticks. She preferred to identify with the wild woman who devoured life including over-indulging in food and drink...

How CONFIDENT are you that you will achieve your goal? If you are already saying to yourself: OK I'll go through the moves but it will never work, I have failed every time so far...you are indeed setting yourself up for failure again in order to comply with that limiting belief you hold about yourself.
You need to believe you DESERVE to achieve that change.
You need to believe you CAN do it.
You need to believe you WILL do it.

The modern concept of Coaching came about in the 60s when a famous tennis coach named Tim Galwey wrote: :The Inner Game". He came to the conclusion that the firecest opponent was not on the other side of the net but within us. We need to recognise our fears and excuses and move beyond.
Beliefs and habits can change.

Pull on other successful aspects of your life, set yourself up for SUCCESS!

So take out what you wrote you wanted to achieve and ask yourself what you believe about that state or about others who have achieved that change.

Good luck! More next week with Step 5: ANCHORING your motivation!

Let's make it happen!

Let's make it happen: Have you taken stock for 2010 yet?

2010-12-28T04:36:00.000-08:00

Let's make it happen: Have you taken stock for 2010 yet?: "If alright with you, dear followers and occasional blog readers, I shall put the '8 steps to discovering and harnessing your motivation' on ..."

Have you taken stock for 2010 yet?

2010-12-28T04:35:00.000-08:00

If alright with you, dear followers and occasional blog readers, I shall put the "8 steps to discovering and harnessing your motivation" on hold to go with the seasonal flow!
End of December, under a very snowy Potsdam sky,the time is right, before moving on to defining goals and resolutions for 2011, to first take stock for 2010.
A friend of mine shared with me an exercise called "My best year yet" and though I am very sorry to not be able to locate the direct source, I would like to share it with you as I found it very valuable. Why? Because we learn from the past. That is actually part of a saying which really resonnates with me: Learn from the past, plan for the futur and live in the present!

So get your notebooks out and answer the following:

1. So what were your personal successes over the last year? What are you satisfied with? Proud of?

2. What regrets do you have? What did you not achieve that you had wanted to?

3. What did you learn?

4. Which people counted for you the most in the past year? Rank them and decide if there is anything you would want to change next year.

5. Based on the above, make at least 10 resolutions for the coming year.

Good luck!And a very happy new year to you all!

May it bring you fun and friendship, love and laughter, health and hope and passion and purpose!

Let's make it happen!

Step 3: Determine WHY do you want that change?

2010-12-15T08:40:00.000-08:00

In other words: what is your motivation? In order to step outside our comfort zone and do something differently we need to be very clear on what it will bring us. This is of course highly subjective but crucial in gathering the energy and the strength that will see us over the hurdle.
So what will being (...) bring you? Write it all down. Just let it flow, the first reason, the second, the third, with no judgement in between. When you write freely, fast, your conscious mind is held busy with the physical writing which lets the subconscious get a chance to express itself.Our conscious brain is the one which analyses and at times sabotages our creative ideas before they are even given a chance, so we need to get around him! Ever wondered at the marvellously creative ideas you get when walking or gardening? It is basically the same reason, the conscious mind is too busy repeating its movements to sabotage the potentially wild, free, different thoughts which may emerge from our subconscious! You must keep asking. The first reasons will most likely be the ones you know you should change for but not neccessarily your core motivation. And that is the one which matters, that is the one for which you are prepared to put up with some hardship.

We are creatures of habit and it takes a lot of willpower to break the habit and venture out into unknown territory. You will only take consistent action if something important to you is at stake.

So WHAT will making this change in yourself bring you? If we are talking about being for example fitter or slimmer (this is just an example for the sake of clarity, you can use this process for ANY change): your DESIRE to be slimmer has to be stronger than your desire for that piece of chocolate cake. You will be the same, the cake will be the same, the only thing that will change will be your focus, your drive, your willpower concerning your reaction to that piece of cake.

This new you then becomes a MAGNIFICENT OBSESSION because you know it fits with who you really are.

In motivational coaching we talk about:
AWAY GOALS which are associated with moving away from a state which causes us distress. It is usually associated with fear or pain. We will do soemthing out of fear of the consequence. So in our previous example, not eating the cake out of fear of staying fat and dying of a coronary disease.
TOWARDS GOALS on the other hand are associated with pleasure. Moving towards being a slimmer, fitter you, feeling great about ourselves, in control.

So once we have a deeper understanding of WHY this change is important to us, WHAT it will bring us. Once we have the fuel to power our motivation, we need to take a little psychological break to examine some beliefs we may hold on the topic!

For those of you reading this now, whether you celebrate Xmas or not in your corner of the world: I wish you a wonderful festive season, full of sharing and caring and wish you all the very best for 2011. May you accomplish all your goals!
I will be back after Xmas to accompany you as you examine your beliefs!

Let's make it happen!

Step 2: Determine WHAT it is that you want

2010-12-06T11:00:00.000-08:00

Welcome back! On we go to step 2: discovering and harnessing your motivation in order to bring about the changes you want in your life!

Now we have the book, its time to commit to paper. But what is it that you want? This is often less obvious than it seems. We are usually a lot clearer on what we don't want. However if you shoot at nothing you are very likely to hit it. So aim for something, be bold, be assertive, don't start with all the reasons why you can't. Start with claiming what you do want. Bear one important point in mind: the only person you can change is yourself so there is no point having as goal that you want someone else to do something. This goal has to be about you: I want to be...(happier, thinner, fitter, a better person, mother, brother, friend, fulfilled at work, in balance...etc)

Then run a reality check. On a scale of 0 to 10 with 10 being total satisfaction, where are you now regarding that goal? Make a diary entry in your notebook.Now we are talking. Our goal may not yet be as specific as it needs to be but it has a name.

How badly do you want that change? This is the key point regarding your motivation. Give it some proper thought. We say a lot of things, but how many are we really prepared to commit to? We are setting ourselves up for success and it really does not amount to rocket science. The recipe is simple: your desire for the change has to be stronger than what you are currently doing.
In order to get something that you dont have now, you are going to have to do something differently. "If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got". Sounds straight forward. But in order to change you are going to have to do something new, do it differently.You are going to have to take a step outside of your comfort zone and will need all the motivation you can muster to fuel you through.
So are we now clear on WHAT you want? WHERE you stand now? And HOW badly you want it? And is all of this commited to the notebook in visible letters?
Then next week we will move on to step 3: discovering your motivation: WHY do you want this change?

Happy brainstorming. Let's make it happen!

Let's make it happen: Step 1: Write it down, make it happen

2010-11-29T03:41:00.000-08:00

Let's make it happen: Step 1: Write it down, make it happen: "So here we go! The first Step to recognising and harnessing your Motivation, to bring about whichever change you want to make! Write it dow..."

Step 1: Write it down, make it happen

2010-11-29T03:39:00.000-08:00

So here we go! The first Step to recognising and harnessing your Motivation, to bring about whichever change you want to make!

Write it down, make it happen. The title I have given this Step comes from an excellent book of that name by Henriette Anne Klauser.
So the first step to making it happen is to actually write it down.Does this sound scolarly? patronising? Maybe even daunting? Bear with me...
So why write?
To convert a dream or a wish into reality, you need to make it REAL. Ink on paper is real.This is your first step to committing. It is one thing to talk about making changes but to actually commit them to paper is a large step.
I recommend my clients buy a "Glorious You" notebook (call it whatever inspires you!), something you like the look of. It will help to gather thoughts,to specify what you want (will be coming to that later), mark achievements, list doubts...etc This is your map and your journey to getting what you want.

Another reason that writing it down is so important is that it alerts your Reticular Activity System. This is our filtering system. It helps us make sense of the overwhelming amount of information our body receives every second (up to 2 million pieces of information!!). Our active brain can only deal with 7 pieces of information (plus or minus 2) simultaneously. So we have three clever ways of coping with this overflow.
We generalise, we distort and we delete anything which is not relevant at the time. Our filter will send all that is important to us (our priorities) to our active brain and the rest will be stored in our subconscious. By writing down what you want, you are telling your brain filter that this is something important to you.It is emphasising what we concentrate on. Thinking of buying a new car? Suddenly you see that brand everywhere, thinking of starting a family, suddenly there are pregnant women everywhere. Our focus has changed and we pick up more relevant signs. Words pop out of newspapers, we hear something on the radio...all these things were there yesterday but your filter was deleting them. So write it down so your filter is clear that all things relevant to the topic are now your priority and it will help you gather information to move in that direction.

So go on out and get yourself a notebook, and WRITE!!!
This is for you,it does not need to be shared or in competition for the next Nobel prize! How organised or not, how correctly spelled or not does not matter, it is for YOU. Your friend and ally.You will be able to see clearly what is working and what isn't, and encourage yourself on the lower days by seeing all the gains you have already made!

Once you have this useful tool in hand, we go on next week to Step 2 which is: determining what it is you want!!!

Happy shopping and here is to making it happen!!

8 Steps to recognising and harnessing your motivation

2010-11-20T04:46:00.000-08:00

In Spring last year, a friend nutritionist and I held a workshop on "Fit, Firm and Focussed" for the Summer which involved a part on nutrition provided by Wendy Derijk and a part on motivation presented by yours truly.
Though this presentation was geared at losing weight and getting fit, the 8 Steps I developed can be applied to any issue you want to change.
And I thought: why keep them for yourself? So at the suspense induced rate of one step a week I shall take you through them!

Because basically, regarding any change we wish to induce, there is no rocket science, it all comes down to motivation. The short and clear formula is the following: your motivation to make that change has to be stronger than your desire to continue doing what you have been doing."If we do what we always did, we get what we always got"! Seems logical looked at like that yet how many of us just keep on trying the way we have and are surprised we are still failing? Its hitting your head against a wall yet we keep on doing it! Albert Einstein said something along the lines that a problem can not be solved with the same mindset which created it in the first place. Very true and very wise.
Yet another mindset implies a degree of change and we are creatures of habit. Change is scary. Better the devil you know... So to change we need to be creative, and think in a new way, from a new perspective, we need to be brave and willing to step outside our comfort zone and face the unknown or the untried and to do that we need to be fuelled by our motivation!

So now the stage is set, next week I will take you to step 1: The power of writing!

Wishing you all a fun and fruitful week full of gratitude and self development!
Here's to making it happen!

Training our brain to see through the rain!

2010-11-07T04:07:00.000-08:00

Considering we are now in November and that in my present neck of the woods (glorious Potsdam in Germany) we have had quite a lot of rain recently, I thought this title quite appropriate indeed!
So, following up from where I left it last week and the idea that we can train our brain to look at the bright side of life and every situation, in order to feel more empowered, confident and assertive.This week I would like to share some practical tips!
- Know yourself ! See the Star in you! Grant yourself 30 minutes of your time to actually sit down and take stock of all the great things about you. What is great about your mind? Your heart? Your spirit? Your body? What great skills do you have? These do not need to be Nobel prize winning, often the little things are the big things. Maybe your mind is great at reading, writing, imagination or you have a great sense of humour? Maybe your heart is caring, friendly, patient. Maybe your body is fit, healthy or you have lovely hair or eyes? Maybe your spirit is honest, fair, resilient? Maybe you have great cooking skills, gardening skills, singing in the shower skills? We tend to focus on what is missing and compare ourselves negatively to others which actually demotivates us. Feeling good about who we are gives us the confidence to want to develop further and we are then more able to reach out to others.
- Be grateful for what you have. Every night when you go to bed say thank you for five things you are grateful for that day. Even after a bad day, you can always find five things, however small to be grateful for. Especially after a bad day, add in to your mental bedtime story, one thing you can do to make tomorow even better.
- Start your day with some powerful morning questions, you dont need to get up extra early it can be in bed, in the shower, brushing your teeth: just train your brain to look at what is positive. What am I excited about in my life right now? What am I proud about at the moment? What do I enjoy the most in my life right now? What am I committed to right now?

OK, that is enough to start with. Even if you only manage to start with incorporating one of each of these in your daily routine you are moving towards the sunshine!

So what do I see through the rain? ... Nature is getting its drink, the snails come out to play, the streets and my car get a much needed wash, the colours become more vibrant, lovely earthy mother nature smells unfold, we get to cuddle up around a cup of tea and I get to wear my new fancy rubber boots!!!!

Here's to a vibrant life: let's make it happen!

Is your glass half empty or half full?

2010-10-28T01:35:00.000-07:00

Both are correct, but which makes you feel better? When you wake up Sunday morning do you rejoice to have a full free day in front of you or do you feel depressed that the weekend is almost over?

When we look at what is in the glass we are doing what is called Asset Based Thinking, as in feeling good about what we have. When we look at what is missing we are indulging in Deficit Based Thinking, something is missing which leads to us feeling that we are hard done by, we are victim of circumstances, we are helpless.

Some people are born with a natural tendency to look on the bright side, others may more rapidly see the downside but we can all train our brains to look for the assets. Now that doesnt mean that we then rest on our laurels and have no drive to fill the glass even more. On the contrary: when we are grateful for what we have, we feel in control, we feel strong, confident and are then more able to think of strategies to get more. The looking at what is lacking approach makes us feel bad, feel burdened, hard done by which leads to low satisfaction, low motivation, low self belief.

I was lucky to be asked to give a presentation to some middle schoolers and used the allegory of our brain as a television which only diffuses 2 channels: a positive asset based one, and the negative deficit based. The only person in charge of the remote control is you: so which channel do you choose? There is always a silver lining to any problem.... You need to look for it.
More next week on tips to train our brain to see through the rain!

Here's to making it happen!

How would you live differently if you had been trapped down a mine shaft?

2010-10-14T06:11:00.000-07:00

Watching the moving images of the rescued Chillean miners I was thinking how different their view of life will be. Probably along the lines of making the most of it, not letting the little things get in the way, telling those they love how much they mean to them and acting that way too!
Most of us are spared such traumatic experiences but what will it take for us to really value our lives now? To really make the most of it and live a life of no regrets, no holding back, just letting our natural ability to be happy flow.
Keeping an eye on what is in the glass and not on what is missing yet seeking to continuously add to the content. Now I dont mean living recklessly, as if there is no tomorow with material things but maybe spending more generously of oursleves! Spending oursleves each day in what we give others as if we may also suddenly end up trapped under ground. What would you regret?? Probably not all the fights and moans and hours of unproductive time...
What would you do differently?

That is why I am so happy and fulfilled when someone comes to me for coaching and actively wants to remove the obstacles to feeling fully happy. Sometimes the little things just get in the way and need a good look at, a new perspective and a change in interpretation for us to move on, secure that we, and not external circumstances are in the driving seat.
Sometimes all we need is a safe space, with someone listening 100% without judging yet maybe holding the mirror up at a new angle to see what needs to be done to feel a happy, purposeful, generous person, making the most of their life. Take action and live fully now!
Let's make it happen!

Putting first things first....

2010-10-06T10:39:00.000-07:00

Well I had first hand experince of that these last 2 weeks...and all things considered didnt come out of it too bad!

So what does it mean? It sounds pretty straightforward but isnt always as obvious as it sounds.The concept introduced in Stephen Covey's excellent book: "The 7 habits of Highly Efficient People" covers the time management matrix between urgent, non-urgent; important and non-important activities and is of essential importance to a balanced and purposeful life.
However, as I found out over the last 2 weeks, it is a fine line to tread because you may have your time all properly planned out around your important goals and people but how to cope with the feeling of being inefficient and "failing" when other equally important and more urgent issues keep cropping up?
For example this blog. My goal was to write it every week yet it has now been over two and being a drastically organised and determined person, the postponing wasn't sitting so well with me...
As I learnt, it is all about flexibility. Knowing how to re-evaluate what the first things are at the time without feeling you are failing at that goal and with the conviction you are doing the right thing.
In my case we had the wonderful experience of a 13 year old exchange student from Shanghai living with us and many wonderful experiences to reach out to others through the school.
These issues were as important to me as my blog, yet more urgent and yes, I do believe people should come before things.
So I learnt. I learnt I could live with not fullfiling the deadline on one goal for the better of a newer priority.
I grew.
How about you? When did you last examine how you manage your days, weeks and months?

How to eat an elephant

2010-09-20T09:33:00.000-07:00

Ever had those passages in life when everything just seems too much? One moment life was slow and you were eager for something to get all excited about.The next thing you know, you are spinning out of control, with lists dancing in your head at night, waking up with a racing heart persuaded you have missed something important, suddenly snapping at everyone and wanting nothing more than to to get into bed and pull the covers over your head? I seem to do quite a bit of that and I guess the correct term is ...OVERWHELM.
So what is overwhelm? One definition I like goes along the lines of: moments where our life seems negatively impacted by people and events outside our control. We feel it is all too much. Since our self-esteem is tied to our ability to feel we are in control of events in our environment, we feel down beat, we feel we can't deal with it and just wish it would all go away.
So what can you do? Basically you need to re-evaluate what is the most important to you. You need to take control again, even if it is only on paper. Get those lists out of your head where they just seem to be flashing incessantly and get them down on paper. Maybe at first just note them randomly to catch them all, a bit like downloading a computer to clear room for more. Then go back, look at what you have noted and put them in groups. It can be matching categories,things you HAVE to do, things you WISH to do.
You are now taking control.
Put them in order of priority and tackle them one by own, determine an action for each and a date to do it and commit to it.
Step by step.
Which brings me to the elephant... So, How DO YOU eat an elephant? The answer is simple: one bite at a time! Good luck!
Here's to making it happen! Have a great week!

What you resist, persists....

2010-09-13T04:44:00.000-07:00

I can't claim to having coined that sentence, but Carl Jung can and it is worth taking some time to realise the implications...
We are what we think of most of the time so if we are telling ourselves "Whatever I do, I do not want to be like..." or "Don't smoke, I must stop smoking" or "Right I am on a diet now so no chocolates for me, I will fight the hunger pangs, I hope I dont get too bad hunger pangs and loose control, gosh was that a hunger pang?"...etc Silly examples maybe but I am sure you can replace them with some of your own.
The fact is that when we resist something, we are thinking about it, that is where our focus is, our energy, our time and attention. We are so busy resisting that we are feeding with our energy whatever it is that we do not want , hence it is persisting.
If you are aiming at making changes in your life, on whatever level, make sure to focus on WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT, and not what you don't want. All your focus, energy and attention should be spcifically aimed at what you DO want in your life. So imagine what life will be like with the change made, see yourself having achieved the change: what do you feel? see? hear? What is different?
Make your affirmations positive (stating what you want), present (under the motto: fake it till you make it) and personal (you only have the power to change yourself): I AM smoke free and healthy, I AM feeding my body with healthy, balanced produce..etc I AM fitter every day...whatever it is.

Here is to making it happen! Good luck and keep me posted!

Let's make it happen: Are you communicating what you really mean?

2010-09-06T00:57:00.000-07:00

Let's make it happen: Are you communicating what you really mean?: "One fact which really surprised me during my coaching studies was that communication is made up of 55% of body language, 38% of word tonalit..."

Are you communicating what you really mean?

2010-09-06T00:37:00.000-07:00

One fact which really surprised me during my coaching studies was that communication is made up of 55% of body language, 38% of word tonality and actually only an itsy witsy 7% of actual words! That is amazing! What our bodies are then saying is closer to what we really mean than the words we choose or just let gushing out. By body language I am refering to aspects such as our posture: leaning forward or back, upright or slouched, how do you sit, leg position, what you do with your hands, how and where you look, even the colour and texture of your skin. When in communication with someone, if you are unsure of what they are saying or meaning, always trust the signs you instinctively pick up from the body.
Once I became aware of that fact, I started paying closer attention and indeed have found that it helps me get a better understanding of those talking to me, whether professionally or privately and I can perceive more of what they are not saying and help them come into alignement.
Of course then one also becomes aware of one's own body signals in all forms of communication. I caught myself just yesterday assuring my 11 year old that I WAS listening but in effect was turned away from him and was doing something else at the same time, hence the clear signals he was receiving that he didnt have my full attention and I was only partially listening, hence his frustration.
I tried it out on my 13 year old too who didnt understand why I was always reproaching him of being disrespectful. The words might have been OK (well OKish at least ) but his body language with slouched posture, staring at the table, sighing and rolling his eyes...were telling me he wasnt taking our talk seriously.

Give it a try! Pay attention to the body language you are emitting and what the other is REALLY saying to you! If we understand fully what the other person really feels and means and if we take care to be in alignement with ourselves the quality of our communication will improve tremendously and so will our feeling of fulfillment! So lets make it happen!!!

I dont care how much you know untill I know how much you care

2010-08-29T03:10:00.000-07:00

Simple words really but painfully true...Especially regarding upbringing of children.

We somehow take it for granted that our children will welcome and soak up all our generously distributed or at times heaped upon wisdom, yet when done from a superior, patronising, sometimes overly agressive position their barriers go upin self-defense and the wisdom we wish to install just glides straight over their heads.
Do you take care to first ensure you have a warm, respectful and loving rapport with your child before you impart your wisdom?
Do you check your state before sitting down to go over homework and wait for a better moment if you are rushed, stressed or upset?
Do you offer your wisdom or shove it at them?

With the onset of the new school year I know what my goal will be this year and will measure the efficiency of my teaching by the response I get . If not what i had aimed for, then I will welcome the feedback and try again, in a different way.

How about you??? Looking forward to your responses!

Disappointement

2010-08-29T03:00:00.000-07:00

There was me last week excitedly writing my first blog and sending the link to half the world so imagine my diappointement on seeing that far from the hundreds of followers I had boasfully imagined...there were but 4...2 of which family members who had been coerced, bribed into following!

I now realise it comes down to the fact you need a google account, however it is EASY!!!! All you need is to enter your currect email account (I use my usual hotmail) and just write a new password!! Please????

Enjoying the moment

2010-08-21T05:02:00.000-07:00

It is so easy to get caught up in the flurry of daily activity and duties, both private and professional and race through life with a to-do list or three firmly in hand, planning and planning eyt not pausing to enjoy the fruit of the planning! I am one of those people, priding myself in my exceptional organisational skills but forgetting to live in the moment.
Life in the fast track: why not, but we really need to stop and enjoy the view!
And that is what i am doing today! Basking in the glorious sun and fully enjoying my family!
What about you?