Step 2: Determine WHAT it is that you want

Welcome back! On we go to step 2: discovering and harnessing your motivation in order to bring about the changes you want in your life!

Now we have the book, its time to commit to paper. But what is it that you want? This is often less obvious than it seems. We are usually a lot clearer on what we don't want. However if you shoot at nothing you are very likely to hit it. So aim for something, be bold, be assertive, don't start with all the reasons why you can't. Start with claiming what you do want. Bear one important point in mind: the only person you can change is yourself so there is no point having as goal that you want someone else to do something. This goal has to be about you: I want to be...(happier, thinner, fitter, a better person, mother, brother, friend, fulfilled at work, in balance...etc)

Then run a reality check. On a scale of 0 to 10 with 10 being total satisfaction, where are you now regarding that goal? Make a diary entry in your notebook.Now we are talking. Our goal may not yet be as specific as it needs to be but it has a name.

How badly do you want that change? This is the key point regarding your motivation. Give it some proper thought. We say a lot of things, but how many are we really prepared to commit to? We are setting ourselves up for success and it really does not amount to rocket science. The recipe is simple: your desire for the change has to be stronger than what you are currently doing.
In order to get something that you dont have now, you are going to have to do something differently. "If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got". Sounds straight forward. But in order to change you are going to have to do something new, do it differently.You are going to have to take a step outside of your comfort zone and will need all the motivation you can muster to fuel you through.
So are we now clear on WHAT you want? WHERE you stand now? And HOW badly you want it? And is all of this commited to the notebook in visible letters?
Then next week we will move on to step 3: discovering your motivation: WHY do you want this change?

Happy brainstorming. Let's make it happen!

Step 1: Write it down, make it happen

So here we go! The first Step to recognising and harnessing your Motivation, to bring about whichever change you want to make!

Write it down, make it happen. The title I have given this Step comes from an excellent book of that name by Henriette Anne Klauser.
So the first step to making it happen is to actually write it down.Does this sound scolarly? patronising? Maybe even daunting? Bear with me...
So why write?
To convert a dream or a wish into reality, you need to make it REAL. Ink on paper is real.This is your first step to committing. It is one thing to talk about making changes but to actually commit them to paper is a large step.
I recommend my clients buy a "Glorious You" notebook (call it whatever inspires you!), something you like the look of. It will help to gather thoughts,to specify what you want (will be coming to that later), mark achievements, list doubts...etc This is your map and your journey to getting what you want.

Another reason that writing it down is so important is that it alerts your Reticular Activity System. This is our filtering system. It helps us make sense of the overwhelming amount of information our body receives every second (up to 2 million pieces of information!!). Our active brain can only deal with 7 pieces of information (plus or minus 2) simultaneously. So we have three clever ways of coping with this overflow.
We generalise, we distort and we delete anything which is not relevant at the time. Our filter will send all that is important to us (our priorities) to our active brain and the rest will be stored in our subconscious. By writing down what you want, you are telling your brain filter that this is something important to you.It is emphasising what we concentrate on. Thinking of buying a new car? Suddenly you see that brand everywhere, thinking of starting a family, suddenly there are pregnant women everywhere. Our focus has changed and we pick up more relevant signs. Words pop out of newspapers, we hear something on the radio...all these things were there yesterday but your filter was deleting them. So write it down so your filter is clear that all things relevant to the topic are now your priority and it will help you gather information to move in that direction.

So go on out and get yourself a notebook, and WRITE!!!
This is for you,it does not need to be shared or in competition for the next Nobel prize! How organised or not, how correctly spelled or not does not matter, it is for YOU. Your friend and ally.You will be able to see clearly what is working and what isn't, and encourage yourself on the lower days by seeing all the gains you have already made!

Once you have this useful tool in hand, we go on next week to Step 2 which is: determining what it is you want!!!

Happy shopping and here is to making it happen!!

8 Steps to recognising and harnessing your motivation

In Spring last year, a friend nutritionist and I held a workshop on "Fit, Firm and Focussed" for the Summer which involved a part on nutrition provided by Wendy Derijk and a part on motivation presented by yours truly.
Though this presentation was geared at losing weight and getting fit, the 8 Steps I developed can be applied to any issue you want to change.
And I thought: why keep them for yourself? So at the suspense induced rate of one step a week I shall take you through them!

Because basically, regarding any change we wish to induce, there is no rocket science, it all comes down to motivation. The short and clear formula is the following: your motivation to make that change has to be stronger than your desire to continue doing what you have been doing."If we do what we always did, we get what we always got"! Seems logical looked at like that yet how many of us just keep on trying the way we have and are surprised we are still failing? Its hitting your head against a wall yet we keep on doing it! Albert Einstein said something along the lines that a problem can not be solved with the same mindset which created it in the first place. Very true and very wise.
Yet another mindset implies a degree of change and we are creatures of habit. Change is scary. Better the devil you know... So to change we need to be creative, and think in a new way, from a new perspective, we need to be brave and willing to step outside our comfort zone and face the unknown or the untried and to do that we need to be fuelled by our motivation!

So now the stage is set, next week I will take you to step 1: The power of writing!

Wishing you all a fun and fruitful week full of gratitude and self development!
Here's to making it happen!

Training our brain to see through the rain!

Considering we are now in November and that in my present neck of the woods (glorious Potsdam in Germany) we have had quite a lot of rain recently, I thought this title quite appropriate indeed!
So, following up from where I left it last week and the idea that we can train our brain to look at the bright side of life and every situation, in order to feel more empowered, confident and assertive.This week I would like to share some practical tips!
- Know yourself ! See the Star in you! Grant yourself 30 minutes of your time to actually sit down and take stock of all the great things about you. What is great about your mind? Your heart? Your spirit? Your body? What great skills do you have? These do not need to be Nobel prize winning, often the little things are the big things. Maybe your mind is great at reading, writing, imagination or you have a great sense of humour? Maybe your heart is caring, friendly, patient. Maybe your body is fit, healthy or you have lovely hair or eyes? Maybe your spirit is honest, fair, resilient? Maybe you have great cooking skills, gardening skills, singing in the shower skills? We tend to focus on what is missing and compare ourselves negatively to others which actually demotivates us. Feeling good about who we are gives us the confidence to want to develop further and we are then more able to reach out to others.
- Be grateful for what you have. Every night when you go to bed say thank you for five things you are grateful for that day. Even after a bad day, you can always find five things, however small to be grateful for. Especially after a bad day, add in to your mental bedtime story, one thing you can do to make tomorow even better.
- Start your day with some powerful morning questions, you dont need to get up extra early it can be in bed, in the shower, brushing your teeth: just train your brain to look at what is positive. What am I excited about in my life right now? What am I proud about at the moment? What do I enjoy the most in my life right now? What am I committed to right now?

OK, that is enough to start with. Even if you only manage to start with incorporating one of each of these in your daily routine you are moving towards the sunshine!

So what do I see through the rain? ... Nature is getting its drink, the snails come out to play, the streets and my car get a much needed wash, the colours become more vibrant, lovely earthy mother nature smells unfold, we get to cuddle up around a cup of tea and I get to wear my new fancy rubber boots!!!!

Here's to a vibrant life: let's make it happen!

Is your glass half empty or half full?

Both are correct, but which makes you feel better? When you wake up Sunday morning do you rejoice to have a full free day in front of you or do you feel depressed that the weekend is almost over?

When we look at what is in the glass we are doing what is called Asset Based Thinking, as in feeling good about what we have. When we look at what is missing we are indulging in Deficit Based Thinking, something is missing which leads to us feeling that we are hard done by, we are victim of circumstances, we are helpless.

Some people are born with a natural tendency to look on the bright side, others may more rapidly see the downside but we can all train our brains to look for the assets. Now that doesnt mean that we then rest on our laurels and have no drive to fill the glass even more. On the contrary: when we are grateful for what we have, we feel in control, we feel strong, confident and are then more able to think of strategies to get more. The looking at what is lacking approach makes us feel bad, feel burdened, hard done by which leads to low satisfaction, low motivation, low self belief.

I was lucky to be asked to give a presentation to some middle schoolers and used the allegory of our brain as a television which only diffuses 2 channels: a positive asset based one, and the negative deficit based. The only person in charge of the remote control is you: so which channel do you choose? There is always a silver lining to any problem.... You need to look for it.
More next week on tips to train our brain to see through the rain!

Here's to making it happen! 

How would you live differently if you had been trapped down a mine shaft?

Watching the moving images of the rescued Chillean miners I was thinking how different their view of life will be. Probably along the lines of making the most of it, not letting the little things get in the way, telling those they love how much they mean to them and acting that way too!
Most of us are spared such traumatic experiences but what will it take for us to really value our lives now? To really make the most of it and live a life of no regrets, no holding back, just letting our natural ability to be happy flow.
Keeping an eye on what is in the glass and not on what is missing yet seeking to continuously add to the content. Now I dont mean living recklessly, as if there is no tomorow with material things but maybe spending more generously of oursleves! Spending oursleves each day in what we give others as if we may also suddenly end up trapped under ground. What would you regret?? Probably not all the fights and moans and hours of unproductive time...
What would you do differently?

That is why I am so happy and fulfilled when someone comes to me for coaching and actively wants to remove the obstacles to feeling fully happy. Sometimes the little things just get in the way and need a good look at, a new perspective and a change in interpretation for us to move on, secure that we, and not external circumstances are in the driving seat.
Sometimes all we need is a safe space, with someone listening 100% without judging yet maybe holding the mirror up at a new angle to see what needs to be done to feel a happy, purposeful, generous person, making the most of their life. Take action and live fully now!
Let's make it happen!

Putting first things first....

Well I had first hand experince of that these last 2 weeks...and all things considered didnt come out of it too bad!

So what does it mean? It sounds pretty straightforward but isnt always as obvious as it sounds.The concept introduced in Stephen Covey's excellent book: "The 7 habits of Highly Efficient People" covers the time management matrix between urgent, non-urgent; important and non-important activities and is of essential importance to a balanced and purposeful life.
However, as I found out over the last 2 weeks, it is a fine line to tread because you may have your time all properly planned out around your important goals and people but how to cope with the feeling of being inefficient and "failing" when other equally important and more urgent issues keep cropping up?
For example this blog. My goal was to write it every week yet it has now been over two and being a drastically organised and determined person, the postponing wasn't sitting so well with me...
As I learnt, it is all about flexibility. Knowing how to re-evaluate what the first things are at the time without feeling you are failing at that goal and with the conviction you are doing the right thing.
In my case we had the wonderful experience of a 13 year old exchange student from Shanghai living with us and many wonderful experiences to reach out to others through the school.
These issues were as important to me as my blog, yet more urgent and yes, I do believe people should come before things.
So I learnt. I learnt I could live with not fullfiling the deadline on one goal for the better of a newer priority.
I grew.
How about you? When did you last examine how you manage your days, weeks and months?