Timeless virtue 2: Follow your Purpose

Still based on Robin Sharma's book: "The Monk who sold his Ferrari", now that we have explored timeless virtue number one: Master your mind, it is time for timeless virtue number two: Follow your purpose.
Thankfully coaching is not a set of random, unconnected principles and virtues so this of course ties in nicely to all the self discovery we have done on this blog about " Leaving a legacy" and finding our personal life mission.

AS he says:" The purpose of life, is a life of purpose." Simple and true.
He adds: "Lasting happiness comes from steadily working to accomplish your goals and advancing confidently in the direction of your life’s purpose". I am less versed in all things Eastern but he bases this quotation on the ancient principle of dharma which says that everyone of us has a heroic mission while we walk this earth. That we have all been granted a unique set of gifts and talents that will allow us to realize this lifework. The key is to discover them, and in doing so, discover the main objective of your life.

So how do we do that once we have discovered it ?(see previous blogs if joining me now!). By setting goals. Indeed, my favourite occupation! The difference between a dream and a goal is a date. Deciding what we want, what we need to do and when we are going to do it.
I couldnt agree more when he says: "People spend their whole lives dreaming of becoming happier, living with more vitality and having an abundance of passion. Yet they do not see the importance of taking even 10 minutes a month to write out their goals and to think deeply about the meaning of their lives, their Dharma. Goal setting will make your life magnificent.
My previous blogs are full of the importance of goals so I will limit myself here to presenting you Robin Sharma's 5 step method:

- Create a clear mental image of the outcome you desire (magic of the lake)
- Create positive pressure to inspire you (master your thoughts)
- Attach a timeline to your goal and commit it to paper (wrte it down to make it happen. He introduces the concept of a dream book)
- Magic Rule of 21: commit for 21 days. In 21 days you create a new neural pathway and he emphasises the tremendous power in ritual.
- Enjoy the process

The journey of a 1000 miles starts with a single step, so what is holding you back?
Let's make it happen!

Cultivate your garden

This metaphor is used in so many books! Being brought up in the French educational system, my first thought is "Candide" by Voltaire. But so many more take up this image of our mind as the garden where we cultivate our thoughts, plant new thoughts, remove weeds and create harmony.

Over the next few weeks I would like to use my blog to explore what Robin Sharma, in his book:" The monk who sold his Ferrari" called the seven timeless virtues for an enlightened life.

Cultivating your garden is the first.

" In the fable, the garden is the symbol for the mind. If you care for your mind, nurture it and cultivate it just like a fertile rich garden, it will blossom far beyond your expectations.But if you let the weeds take root, lasting peace of mind and deeper harmony will always elude you."

Many more authors have taken up the idea that we are what we think about most of the time. Earl Nightingale said, "The strangest secret is that we become what we think about, most of the time." It all begins in the mind. Thought is the cause. Behavior is the effect. We think, and with those thoughts, we create.

Robin Sharma goes on to talk about the toxic waste we let into our garden: all the guilt about the past, the fear and worries about the futur which siphon off our energy and our self-confidence. We should learn from the past but convert the lessons into positive thoughts. He also mentions " impoverished thinking" claiming that in general, the average persons thoughts are for 95% exactly the same they had the day before!!! I find that quite scary!

However practically the only thing we can control is our minds. We have a choice how to respond, we have a choice how to interpret what happened to us. But we need to make that choice. Our mind, like our body, needs to be trained to think in a positive way, all the more so if we have indulged in negative thinking and unnecessary and inefficient guilt and anxiety trips.

Concentration is essential to stop those worry energy leaks.
Robin Sharma mentions various exercises to help:

The heart of the rose:
All you need is a silent place and a fresh rose and all you need to do is really look at it, stare at its center, its heart, noticing all the fine details about its structure, its color, design, fragrance. Each time your mind strays to other thoughts, bring it back to the rose. Really relax into it. Welcome the calm, this is your oasis. Start holding your thoughts for just a few minutes then see if you can take it longer and longer: "taking back control of the fortress of your mind".
Winston Churchill said: " the price of greatness is responsibility over each of your thoughts."

Either you control your mind, or your mind controls you.

Enough food for thought for this week! Next week I will continue with two further exercises to cultivate that wonderful garden within, just desperate to be cleared of weeds and enabled to blossom!

So here is to be admiring the heart of the rose and ridding our minds of toxic waste!
Let's make it happen!

Introducing Chakras

Now this is new stuff for me, a whole new world really but the book was recommended by someone whose opinion I respect so I gave it a go and found it very inspiring. The book is called: "Eastern body - Western mind. Psychology and the chakra system as a path to the self" by Anodea Judith.
It is ancient knowledge.
She says: "The Chakra system describes the energetic structure through which we organize our life force: a seven level philosophical model of the universe. A Chakra is a wheel and refers to the spinning sphere of bio energetic activity emanating from the major nerve ganglia branching forward from the spinal column."

So basically we have 7 Chakras located in our body, in a straight line from our pelvic area to the crown of our head and each is linked to a developmental age. They each have Identities, issues, elements, colours, rights, demons and archetypes.
The energy flows then up and down in our body from the more grounding aspects (survival, sexuality, power), upwards towards the consciousness chakras: love, communication, intuition and cognition.
What we can do is recognise issues which are plaguing us, trace them to their respective chakras and work on releasing the energy stored there enabling it to flow freely between the upper and the lower spheres.
There was something deeply grounding in working through this book and the information is shared with practical tips and suggestions which I found very helpful.
There are also some wonderful quotations she uses to support the understanding. Here is a quick overview of the seven Chakras:

Chakra One, is Survival
Element: earth, colour: red, right: to be here

Chakra Two Sexuality
Element: water, colour: orange, right: to feel
"E-motions are energy in motion, if they are not expressed, the energy is repressed." John Bradshaw

Chakra THree Power
Element: fire, colour yellow, right to act
" If we deny the child the right to act or assert herself as an autonomous being, then we lead her to question that right throughout her life. We need to guide without suppressing the delicate, emerging ego."

Chakra four: Love
Element : air, colour green, right to love
"In order to have intimacy, we first need to have a sense of self. We need to be able to love our own self enough to offer it openly to someone else."

Chakra five: Communication
Element is vibration, colour blue, right to speak
"The narrowest passage within the whole chakra system, the throat is literally a bottleneck for the passage of energy. Only when mind and body are connected do we have true resonance.If we do not express the vibration, the impact is stored in the body as stress."

Chakra six: Intuition
Element is light, colour: indigo, right to see
"Pattern recognition requires the ability to see simultaneously into past, present and future." Vision leads us forward, illusion holds us back."

Chakra seven: Cognition
Element is thought/consciousness, colour is violet, the right to know
" To realize one's universal identity is to recognise our many identities as suits of clothing. They are clothing that I can put on and take off when appropriate because they are not the sole statement of who I am."

The quotations alone here could fill many a blog. Food for thought.
There is so much more but maybe these little tidbits will whet your appetite to finding out more about the power of the Chakras and how we can use that knowledge to become more fulfilled and whole with free flowing energy in our lives.
Let's make it happen!

The Glorious Power of Sharing

Well having just finished a fascinating book called: " Eastern Body, Western mind" I had decided to write about Chakras and how we can use them to align ourselves in life but I have just had such a wonderful morning, I wish to share that simple lesson instead!
It is about the Glorious Power of Sharing and how fulfilling, inspiring and vibrant it is!
This morning I hosted one of my "Coffee with Contents" around the theme "Leaving a legacy" I have been talking about here. I was graced by 8 wonderful, motivated, intelligent and perceptive women who allowed me to share some of the knowledge, wisdom, skills I have acquired. This in turn gave me so much energy, motivation, pride and that glowing feeling of having been authentic to myself. Of having followed our personal life purpose.
We shared on so many levels: I shared my knowledge, they shared their time, I shared my coffee, they shared their money, I shared tips, they shared feedback, I shared my story, they shared theirs, we shared refelection, insight, humour and humanity.By the symbiosis of sharing, the end product ended up being so much more than the sum of our individual contributions leaving us feeling linked in some deep, primary way.
They left feeling inspired, proud of having made time to grow in this way, leaving me grateful and humble and dedicated to my purpose.
The energy they gave me propelled me outside in the glorious autumn sun for a one hour jog along the Greibnitzsee where again I experienced the glorious power of sharing. Sharing the beauty of nature and the glory of physical exercise with other cyclists, joggers and walkers. Sharing the mutual acknowledgement with an elderly lady on a bike, sharing the mutual pride and exhilaration in the thumbs up with a fellow female jogger crossing my path. Sharing the link of simple human pleasures. It reminded me of last summer when I went jogging on a particularly hot day (probably atoning for too many slices of lemon cake!). A fellow jogger coming in the opposite direction had slowed to a walk to drink out of a water bottle and as I approached he generously offered out his bottle. Spontaneously sharing his precious water, sharing the knowledge of the madness of us jogging in this heat, sharing a botherhood of sports. He didnt actually know that I was followed by my family support team on their bikes carrying my water but who had temporarily delved into the blackberry bushes so I actually declined with a big thanks. Yet I was moved by his gesture.
These are the simple sharings which give such a depth to being human.
So what can you share today?
Share a smile with a little old lady walking down the street?
Share a moment of tenderness with a chld?
Share a funny story with a friend?
Sharing, for the pleasure of sharing, without expecting anything in return. And you may be surprised what you do get back!!
So happy sharing and thank you for having shared this story with me!

let's make it happen!

Detecting your legacy

This is the part where it all comes together: your roles and responsablities and what was important about them for you, the core values you have detected by using any/all of the questions we mentionned 2 weeks ago, and what insights arose from the "beginning with the end in mind" exercise of last week. This is the red thread, where all of the above is condensed in a few words, or a few sentences or maybe more than that in what represents YOUR mission statement: your constitution. So what is your mark on the world? What do you want to be remembered for? A Personal mission statement should have the following qualities: - it is not invented, but detected - it is unique to you - it represents the best in you - it is higher than yourself - it covers all significant roles - it is to inspire and not to impress. It is worth the time and effort as this mission statement becomes your constitution: the criterion by which you measure everything else in your life. The beauty of it is that this is by no means " lost time" the time it takes you to detect it and word it, because in effect, the process itself, the inner journey you take, is just as important as the product. It makes you question your priorities and align your behaviour with your beliefs. Knowing what is important to you, knowing what you need to do, and doing it. I agree with Stephen Covey when he says: " A mission statement is not something that you write overnight. It takes deep introspection, careful analysis, thoughtful expression and often many re-writes to produce its final form." But when you do get it, and everything sort of clicks into place it is such an emotional and grounding feeling: yopu come together as a whole! I admit to having gotten quite emotional when I finally got that far! But just as our life is " work in progress", we need to regularly review and fine tune it over the years. Find your mission, cultivate it, integrate it, live it, review it! With thanks to Stephen Covey and his book on " The 7 principles of highly effective people". Final quotation from Robin Sharma (from the book: The Monk who sold his Ferrari): " The purpose of life, is a life of purpose." have fun! Let's make it happen!

Begin with the end in mind

This is one of the many valuable suggestions leading American coach Stephen Covey mentions in his best seller: " The 7 Habits of Highly Effective people" . Continuing on my mission here to raise your awareness of the importance of being aware of what legacy we are leaving behind knowing that all of us have a unique purpose, mission in life which gives direction and meaning to our life. That we need to detect it and it is through living it that we feel fulfilment and happiness. We have covered so far why it is important and started defining our roles and our core values, but today I wanted to mention this exercise which is maybe faster to do and will help point you in the right direction. Sit somewhere quiet where you will be undisturbed, with your notebook and pen ready to capture your thoughts and relax... Imagine yourself quietly entering a church, you walk gently down the aisle noticing many people you know in the aisles alongside. The atmosphere is subdued and peaceful. Maybe the organ is playing and rays of sun are filtering through the painted glass of the church windows. You see a casket on the alter surrounded by flowers and gently approach it... And yes, it is you lying there peacefully at the end of your life. Once you have recovered from the shock, you sit to the side and listen to the service. Three people take turns to talk about you and the impact you had on their lives and on the lives of others: a family member, a friend and maybe someone you worked with if relevant. What do they say about you? What was your mark on the world? Is it what you would want them to say? I had quite a revelation when I did that and one of my sons stood up to talk. He somehow mentionned some of the things I would have wanted him to: That I was funny and had loads of ideas and encouraged and motivated them but he also said I pushed a lot and could get quite bad tempered when they didn't fulfil my expectations, that it was hard living up to my standard of always doing your best, that I was always very busy rushing about doing hundreds of things at the same time and didn't make time to really listen to what they were saying....and I knew this was true. The advantage of this formula is you can work on it immediately and start living the life you want to have lived and having the impact you want to have on others RIGHT NOW. So let's make it happen!

Core values: what do you need to be happy?

Our values are our guiding principles and they measure the meaning that life holds for us. They are like a compass ensuring we stay on purpose, the purpose that we have detected as we move through the various paths of life.

Our goals, dreams and desires are merely the vehicle for fulfilling our values.” What we do depends on what we feel about what we know” . So to come back to our life destination, values are the compass by which you direct your life. Identifying and clarifying them helps us make decisions and ensure that we don’t drift through life but live on purpose. Thomas Mennard said: “ Needs drive us, values guide us”.

So what is important to you? With my clients we start basically brainstorming, letting all ideas out before making sense and categorizing. I prefer not providing a shopping list as we then tend to choose ones we think we should have or that others think we should have, but prefer detecting our values from our life. There are various questions you can ask yourself:

- Peak moment in time: when was a time you felt particularly happy? A time when just everything seemed right? Who was there? What was happening?
- Suppressed values: what makes you really angry? Then flip it over and find the values which are being suppressed.
- Must haves: sometimes some values are particularly clear to us and we know if we dont have them in our lives, a part of us just withers away.
- Obsessive expression: what do your friends make fun of you about? Often these things reflect a value which is particularly important to you
- What do you do really well? We often do really well at the things which come naturally to us.
- What do you enjoy sharing? Same thing really, the things we enjoy sharing are often the things closer to our heart.

Once you have a list, a pattern will start to emerge, hence the importance of writing them down. Do not worry too much about the precise wording. You can start by stringing a few words which represent to you more or less the same value together and group them under headings.

You need however to keep drilling to make sure they are actually values and not what we call " means values". What does X bring me? Money for example is not a value but a means value, when asked: what does money bring you, the question will deliver the value: security, recognition…

Group, compare, prioritise, until you get to 8 core values: the names or categories only need to make sense to you.

By now you should start to feel parts of you coming together and a mounting excitement at the clarity it brings.
This is usually not a 5 minute process. It can take days and months to fully feel you have the essence of what is important to you. The important thing is to launch the process and be ready to capture what emerges over the days, just let it come and flow.
It is a wonderfully grounding experience to be able to crystallise your personal happiness into eight or so words.

Good luck! Just let them come and next week I will explain another exercise to help you detect your personal recipe for happiness: beginning with the end in mind.

Let's make it happen!