Using our three brains: Neuroscience and coaching

Here I am again after a long break and this time...coaching found me. When 4 clients contacted me in a week I knew it was time to get back in the saddle.

Yesterday at the kind invitation of Nico Samaras and his Etimy coaching platform, I had the chance to hear Vikki Brock speak about Neuroscience and our three brains! The newest discipline to link with coaching. It was so inspiring, I hardly slept.

( Vicki Brock is Master certified coach, Phd in History of Coaching: "I raise awareness so each person has a conscious choice".)

So basically we have three brains:
- The Head brain (central nervous system): it makes meaning (logic, patterns, language, metaphor)
- the Heart brain (cardiac nervous system): processes emotions, values, beliefs, makes connections, trust
- Gut brain (enteric nervous system): survival, instinct, fight/flight, core identity.

"Flow", by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. For him the Flow is the total of head+heart+gut+individual experiences.

These neuro networks all have memory intelligence and control our decisions.
In effect this is nothing new. In Aristotle's "Rhetoric" He already referred to influencing logos, pathos and ethos. In the Tao religion too and what are they all going to the Wizard of Oz for? Scarecrow looking for a brain (head), Tinwoodsman looking for a heart and Cowardly Lion looking for courage! (and Dorothy just wants to go home!)
But it was only in 1998 that books started to be written on the subject.

Trust your gut, listen to your heart, use your brain, as Vikki said.

There is an over- reliance in the Western World on the head brain which uses 80% of the body's energy.
The holistic approach to coaching is to use our three brains to speak to our clients three brains and to settle ourselves.

How to detect a brain overdrive?
Gut overdrive:
Reactive, impulsive, action oriented, in emergency mode
Heart overdrive:
Concerned with self-image, impact on others, caught up in other people's lives, living on the sidelines, waiting, hoping
Head overdrive:
Plan/prepare, what cd go wrong, too much visioning and trying to do it all, comes across as cold, calculating, impersonal

If you feel for example client too much in head, ask what the heart says? (and vice versa)

The complete leader has all 3 brains working though not automatically at the same time, with:
- own Point of View
- own values
- courage of convictions

Head leadership:
Strategy, re-thinking, reframing, developing a POV, looking for ideas inside and out
Heart leadership:
Balancing, trust, compassion, commitment, knowing what's important, understanding and overcoming obstacles
Gut leadership
Take risks, risk and reward, integrity, tenacity, persevering, not being afraid to make tough decisions.

Step 1: Understand who I am (values/beliefs)
Step 2: determine own POV
Step 3: Have the courage to do the right thing

As coach, integrate the right mix of behaviour at the right time , at times "respectively provoking".

Complete coaching is when coach and coachee consider the input of all three.

With thanks to speaker Vikki Brock https://www.linkedin.com/in/vikkibrock
and Nico Samaras https://nl.linkedin.com/in/nico-samaras-0760751

Creating Inspired Planning for life and business – 2015 check-list

Vanessa Smith wrote it all in such a perfect way, I am sharing, with her permission her check-list!

The New Year is upon us and if you are like most of us with value-centered businesses, you may want some new tools to put some new revitalised energy into your planning for 2015. And don’t forget that this planning is the same when planning your own life goals.

Ask yourself ‘What if you could create a plan that is infused with energy or “potential wanting to happen” in a greater sense? What if, as I prepared my plan I started from a big picture perspective incorporating not only the now and the past but the future as well?

Wouldn’t it be exciting, energising and very empowering for all concerned?

Planning should involve an inspired action plan which is infused with vital energy involving intuition, creativity, flexibility, soul, and potential rather than only operating from the left side of our brains (form, transaction, intellect, ego, outcome.)

When we operate from a more holistic place using both sides of the brain, we create from a place of connection to what exists rather than only operating from what we can see and what has come before us. Certainly if we don’t allow wisdom, imagination and challenge into our planning, we will only re-create what has come before. It will never have the potential to be all that far reaching.

As you create using left and right brain the plan will emerge from your talent and skills as well as from the wisdom and power of all that is unseen and undefined.

Check list:

1.  Work out your ultimate destination in a really big picture sense. In the biggest sense, what is it that you really want to achieve by what you are doing? What is your overall mission?
Just note down the overall rich, inspiring, exciting stuff. If, after discovering this, it is not exciting you, then it probably doesn’t have the power to move you, your life or your company forward. Think again and think big and mostly, enjoy the process! This is really important as this stage.

2.  Make sure you have your values (and the values of the team) in alignment and stated clearly, and also make sure that everyone understands what this means. Sometimes we each put different meaning behind words, so talk this through.

3.  Now look at your goals. How many goals do you have for the next year? Are they doable at a reasonable and invigorating stretch? If it’s just you and your life, or your company is small, don’t overdo the number of goals. What we are looking for here is quality not quantity. Remember that less is more and that you can get enormous mileage from fewer goals done well. One great success fans out and expands if done well.

4.  Now pick a date for next year and one or two goals that you are involved in now.
What do you want to have achieved by that date? Remember, don’t think small, and don’t only think doable. If your goal is easy to achieve, and you know you can do it, then you are thinking too small. By nature we tend to want to be right. So if we set ourselves a bigger challenge and a date to have it done by, we tend to stretch ourselves that little bit more because we want to be right.

5.  If you like, plan a celebration for that date. Perhaps the date is a special date for some reason in your country or in your life, or perhaps it is significant for your company. This makes getting there all the more inspiring.

6.  Next, ask yourself who you need to be to achieve that goal? What qualities do you need to evolve in you to reach that new place you have never been before? In other words, what’s it going to take? You are creating something new and it’s going to take someone new to get there. Start now to identify and evolve these qualities in you

7.  What do you need to have achieved by then to reach your goal? Imagine now that you are three months off reaching your goal in the future. What do you need to have achieved by then? Note these down and then step “back” in time to the present moment. That is, three months, one month, one week, 24 hours or whatever feels right for you.

8.  Remember to be kind to yourself especially if you are a driven achiever. If things are not working out the way you planned – maybe there is a bigger thing wanting to happen that you haven’t put in your plan! Go back to the big picture at the beginning and make sure you are in line with it. Give yourself a break and loosen the reigns when needed so the energy leads you.

We are not only our minds; our intelligence stretches way beyond our heads. Wake up to them and use them. Infuse your plan for 2015 with all the wisdom, creativity and intuition you walk around with each and every day and remember that if it feels exciting, inspiring, a little bit scary and challenging, it will have the energy to move things into a far more inspired future.

Vanessa Jane Smith, Leadership Coach, Visual Facilitator, 0031 (0) 646598328, www.craftingconnection.com

Breathing through your heart...so liberating

Following on from my last blog, I would like to elaborate on the "breathing through your heart" concept that Vanessa introduced me to.
Like most of you reading this, I was initially perplexed! Obviously you do inhale the air through your lungs but picturing it as moving in and out of your heart I found incredibly powerful. Both soothing and energizing and would strongly recommend you suspend disbelief one moment and give it a whole- hearted try.
I can re-transcribe but there is not much point in it and I would not want to take credit for something that is not mine.
Hence I re-direct you immediately to the source: the Institute of HeartMath: www.heartmath.org


Wouldn't it be wonderful to add more ease to your life anytime you want? You can by simply connecting with the qualities of your heart.

HeartMath's Heart-Focused Breathing Technique can guide you to a state of ease in just a few minutes.

The technique is as powerful as it is simple and can be used anytime you want to create greater relaxation or more energy.

Heart-Focused Breathing Technique

 1. Heart Focus: Focus your attention on your heart area. Breathe a
    little deeper than normal, in for 5 or 6 seconds and out 5 or 6
    seconds. You may find that placing your hand over your heart helps
    you maintain your focus there.

 2. Heart Breathing: Now imagine while breathing that you're doing it
    through your heart. Picture yourself slowly breathing in and slowly
    breathing out through your heart area.

    (Maintaining your focus and breathing through the heart area leads
    you naturally into a state of ease. When you're ready to proceed
    with the rest of your day, you'll do so with more energy and
    resilience for future challenges.)

The scientific term for this simple and quick tool is
psychophysiological coherence: Ever heard of it? Keep reading.

Physiological Coherence

"Coherence is the state when the heart, mind and emotions are in
energetic alignment and cooperation," according to Institute of
HeartMath Research Director Dr. Rollin McCraty. "When the physiological
coherence mode is driven by a positive emotional state, we call it
psychophysiological coherence."

Those who've practiced [1]Heart-Focused Breathing through the years say
they have experienced: a sense of being uplifted and alive; more
peaceful and less rushed in their busy lives; a deeper heart connection
within and with others.

We invite you to experience the benefits of this simple technique by
trying it for yourself and whenever you are feeling stressed or want
greater balance.

With care,

Sara Childre,
President, Institute of HeartMath
Link:
Heart-Focused Breathing
http://www2.heartmath.org/e/17232/t-heart-focused-breathing-html/9rz25/230697175

So how did that feel????
Enjoy that liberating glow!

Do you operate from a position of wholeness?

I realized this week that I don't...and boy did I learn!

As in most professions the french adage that "the sons of the shoemaker have the worst fitting shoes" is true. As a coach I needed to stand back from my own analysis and Vanessa Smith from Crafting Connection gave me the best Xmas present I could envisage: she SHOWED me all of who I am, based on what I was saying.

She combined letting me do my usual stream of consciousness with powerful questions and summaries, all the while pulling the essence from what I was saying and drawing it (full marks to her for keeping up with my high tempo). She then took me on a journey deep into myself now, then moved me on to where I would be in one year before bringing me back gathering action points...

One part which really impacted on me was the breathing technique she used (but more on that next week!

The vital element for me and the title of this blog is our need to recognize, accept and integrate the whole of who we are. We all have parts of us that we prefer to lock away, maybe those associated with vulnerability. That was my case and the little girl in me, I preferred to lock away, as she made me feel scared or insecure, was always hurt and doubting...The analytic adult and the wild darer in me decided she really was a burden and preferred to keep her muzzled..Yet every now and then she would escape and go on a rampage, and the energy of keeping her down was exhausting...Through this session I came to acknowledge the little girl is a powerful part of who I am, gives me empathy and gentleness, a lightness and simplicity and an ease to be in the now. She should be allowed her say.

What about you? Are there sides of you which you struggle to hide as they don't fit in with the image you want to give of yourself or because they bring up strong emotions?
The beauty of us as humans comes from our diversity and the complexity of facets which create our unique individuality.
Maybe you know which aspects of yourself you need to address? Maybe you could use a a coach to guide you gently towards acceptance?
The feeling of wholeness, the peace of not fighting oneself and the self confidence of having nothing to hide are so worth the process...

I do need to add that what really was the cherry on the cake for someone as visual as myself with such lousy drawing skills, is the pictures Vanessa made. A series of drafts during our 1,5 hour session and an amazing final picture using my metaphors, words, including all of who I am and where I am going which serves an an incredible anchor for me to hold on to as I look forward to 2015.

More information at: http://crafting-connection.com/personal-purpose-quest

Identity: which three words make you feel complete?

Following on from last week and the search for our core values where I used Steven Covey's image of a compass giving direction to our life, I came across this quotation today:

“You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.“

- Jim Rohn

I do believe in synchronicity and that when you are open to something, you see the signs so thank you Jim Rohn! 

These words reinforce Covey's message of the core values being the compass we check our life by, knowing that at times we will be off course and need to re-adjust the direction of our life, in possibly as little time as just overnight, to be aligned with our true selves!

In life things happen fast: we speak fast, sometimes regretting our words:  and act fast, sometimes wishing we had made other decisions. At these times it may be hard to bring to mind our whole compass with all our core values.

What I decided to do was distill them down to three, which I could bring immediately to mind, reminding me what is crucial for me. Values and words  which would make my heart beat with a feeling of completeness and purpose when I say them.

It took a while.

First I brainstormed and wrote them all down. Then I tried to prioritize them asking myself without much time to think: "If I had to choose between X and Y, what would it be?" and then....they emerged, almost as if THEY had found me....

I paused welcoming the warm, thrilling feeling as they resonated through my veins. Yes, that is who I am and how I want to live. No compromise:

HONESTY - INTEGRITY - VIBRANCY

Which three pulse in your veins? Share with me...

To a fulfilling life of purpose and passion: Let's make it happen!

Realising and accepting what we dont want is hard enough, but how do we find what we DO want?

As mere mortals we like to play it safe, and prefer jumping once we know where we are landing.

Sometimes however it takes a leap of faith, faith that life will show us the way and as Des Brown says: "Sometimes you just need to jump, and grow your wings on the way down".

All the opportunities of where you may land are exhilerating, but also overwhelming and pretty terrifying. The world seems so big, physically, mentally, emotionally.
Where to start? Where does one want to land?
I would say, like with all new journeys, we start with checking our inner compass: our core values.

 Do you know what they are? If not, it may well be worth giving it some thought. After all they are the most important thing to us, they are what decide if we are happy and fulfilled or depressed and frustrated.
 In my case my values of honesty, authenticity and my need to make the most of every moment were conflicting with my values of loyalty and my family values. Still, at the end of the day I was making no one happy and my inner turmoil was reflecting in physical symptoms. I believed I could uphold my family values with a patchwork family idea ( so far so good, we see each other a lot, have family meals together on Sunday..etc) and the concept that it was actually more loyal towards my husband to set him free to find more absolute love elsewhere. (Miraculously he already has found someone very special).
 Sometimes our values are clear to us, we know what we stand for, or in some cases we know what makes us really mad, and that is usually something going against our values. But it is not always so obvious to define the things which are at the centre of our being and without which we are not in line with ourselves. "If in doubt, get your values out".

Give it some thought:
 - What is essential to you?
 - What can you not stand?
 - What do others say about you?
 - Identify a peak moment in time when you were really happy: who was there? What was happening? what made you so happy?

 Tip: Hyrum W. Smith has a good exercise and process to uncover your values in "What matters most".
 Once we know these core values we have a genuine compass at our disposal to guide us through life. Sometimes we get off track, but they are what helps us find our way again.

 Good luck! A good coach will also help you uncover them if you need some neutral but guiding outside help!
 Let's make it happen and live a full, purposeful and meaningful life!

Recalibration

Well it has been a long break, but a needed one. Authenticity, self-analysis, decision and execution. It sounds simple but the bigger the decision, the more we get lost in what we should do and forget the true us until, fed up of seeing the signs ignored, the body takes action, sends out the symptoms till we have no other choice than to listen. Seen my mission in this blog is to share life tools and tips and reflections out of my professional life, self help books and life experience I will share in this case my personal story. After 15 years with our three children moving from Cameroon, to Uganda, to Senegal and Berlin, we returned to my husbands home country the Netherlands two years ago. And little by little my balanced life started to unravel... Whether Repat Blues, midlife crisis, changed financial conditions and a less "exciting"life, or my memories as an adolescent here...I started to feel suffocated and miserable in all areas of my life. The children needed me less and less, I needed more professional outlets, Holland is physically small, and the differences between my husband and I on many subjects just seemed to become more and apparent. I put it down at first to a general midlife overview where I felt I was short selling myself but refused to ignore the most serious component: my relationship. I refused to admit there was anything fundamentally wrong listing all the reasons why everything was fine. First and foremost our three beautiful children, how generous and caring and supportive he has always been, the languages and love to travel we share etc...but reasons without the right feelings ... My body started creating a whole litany of ailments which could not be ignored and over two tortuous years I circled and circled till suddenly I knew. I knew that OK was not enough for me, nor was it fair on him. The day I saw this, all my stress and inner battle, and with it the symptoms disappeared. We took it one step at a time, first living companionably under the same roof, informing family and the children. I am blessed with a husband who though at first shocked, hurt and angry, grew to see that he may in effect be happier with someone else. The children initially distraught are taking it in their stride and we are managing so far to stay best of friends with family meals on Sunday, sharing the car...etc For that I am grateful. The house is full of laughter and the children also go with pleasure for a weekly meal and sleepovers at Papas. Sure I am worried, where to live ( I have never lived anywhere more than a few years), money, job ..etc. Will I lose the only life I know: expat child? Expat partner? I guess now I am expat. Holland will stay my home for as long as the children are schooled here and after that ...who knows? The world is my oyster and more than anything else, I feel authentic, whole, knowing that despite of difficulties, I know deep down to the core of my being that this is the right thing to do, for us all. For now I have no desire for another relationship, I revel in my freedom and my children and the new path ahead. So now I am back on track, feeling I can ethically coach again and renewing with the wonderful world of self improvement and this blog. Now this is not a line of action I recommend, but are there areas of your life needing to be revisited for authenticity?