First of all, to those of you following me regularly: a big sorry for the long absence, it was a question of "First things first" and new clients, presentations, my NLP Practitioner written integration document and of course children end of year program just needed priority! Not in that order mind you!
But I have missed my blog and am eager to share my motivation for getting our lives in order so we can live them to the full.
So...Do YOU know what matters most for you to feel happy and complete? What are the vital ingredients you need in your life to feel fulfilled?
The thing is, we are usually quite fuzzy on what those ingredients actually are but if we don't know what these are: how can we be doing our best to live a happy, contented, fulfilled life?
Values basically measure the meaning that life holds for us and our goals, dreams , desires are simply the vehicule for fulfilling our values.So this is pretty important, dont you think?
We have core values which are really at the heart of who we are and from those we also have relationship values, education values, work values...etc Knowing these helps us make the rtight decisions in all areas of our life.
In order to work on finding these vital ingredients I quite like the "What matters most" process defined by Hyrum W. Smith.
Lets us look at the first step:
Get hold of your notebook and start making a list of the roles, responsabilities and relationships you have in your life. We can start from the very large picture: as in we are all members of the human race, of a family...etc but then whittle it down to you: maybe you are a Mother, a daughter, a sister, a wife, an employee, a friend, a helper at the library...etc
Once you have them listed, prioritise them to the ones which are the most important to you, bringing the list down to the main seven and rank these seven by importance.
What things seem the most important from the life roles you have identified?
I shall let you ponder on these, hoping you note it all down and next week we will continue with identifying your governing values!
let's make it happen and live a fulfilled life, full of purpose and meaning, knowing we are moving forward to being our personal best!
Monday, 4 July 2011
Thursday, 5 May 2011
How whole do you feel?
Hello dear fellow bloggers,
Sorry for the delay between postings, life is running away with me at the moment!
Today I wanted to talk about parts, and feeling whole. I knew of course the feeling of expressions " a part of me felt like this", or "I don't know what came over me"...etc but it is only when I did the NLP practitioner course that I discovered the concept more in depth. It really resonnates with me.
In brief, the idea is that we start off whole and if, mostly when we are young, we have an experience which is too overwhelming, our psychological immune system protects us from pain by breaking that part off and isolating it within our unconscious. Now this does not have to be a tragic trauma. It can just be a particular feeling of rejection as a young child for example. So then try and imagine that wound as a dot which will then over the years gather around it circle after growing circle of protective layers to isolate it as we develop different ways of coping through the ages. Maybe you first reverted to a teddy, then to a friend, then to keeping busy all the time or later for example using alcohol (in extreme cases). This part, that we are not usually aware of, manifests itself in an incongruence in our behaviour, feelings of tension as if there is a battle going on amongst different parts in us. Maybe one urging us forward to enjoy life and take risks, and the other blocking all we do to prevent us from getting hurt again. These parts can grow to develop their own values and belief system and can appear to have " a mind of their own". It takes a huge amount of energy to maintain these different parts.
These parts however all have a positive intention. They were all created to protect us from pain. The problem is that their purpose and intention often clashes with how they function and the behaviour they induce. Hence feelings of tension, frustration, of being torn and not being whole.
And we miss that wholeness. That powerful yet serene feeling of groundedness when we feel aligned with ourselves, at peace.
In NLP there is a wonderful tool called "Parts Integration", at the same time very simple, but deep and incredibly powerful. My analytical mind was pretty sceptical when I first read about it but I was blown away when during our training it was done on me and yesterday I used it with a client over the phone (which I was then amazed at but thought worth a try)and he was amazed at the results even though he is a very down to earth, anaytical person.
The most important part is for just a moment, suspending disbelief, relaxing and just feeling free to talk. There is no being hypnotised or being in a deep transe. You just relax and guided by the practitioner let the two parts come out on different hands and we talk with them, describing them, identifying their purpose and basically chunking up until we have identified a joint purpose, the initial wholeness. Sometimes there is an exchange of qualities and ressources between the two parts and a gradual feeling of coming together which in most cases manifests itself through the hands coming together.
My client yesterday described a strong feeling of magnetic attraction between his hands as they moved together as if of their own accord. Some then seem to instinctively bring their joint hands up to their heart or chest to feel even deeply the sense of integration, of coming together. That feeling of peace as the two parts join forces for the common goal, an increase in energy yet a deep, deep peace.
I would recommend it to everyone. It is simple, pain free, no need to revisit any painful memories, it just feels natural and profoundly transformational.
Here is to coming together!
Sorry for the delay between postings, life is running away with me at the moment!
Today I wanted to talk about parts, and feeling whole. I knew of course the feeling of expressions " a part of me felt like this", or "I don't know what came over me"...etc but it is only when I did the NLP practitioner course that I discovered the concept more in depth. It really resonnates with me.
In brief, the idea is that we start off whole and if, mostly when we are young, we have an experience which is too overwhelming, our psychological immune system protects us from pain by breaking that part off and isolating it within our unconscious. Now this does not have to be a tragic trauma. It can just be a particular feeling of rejection as a young child for example. So then try and imagine that wound as a dot which will then over the years gather around it circle after growing circle of protective layers to isolate it as we develop different ways of coping through the ages. Maybe you first reverted to a teddy, then to a friend, then to keeping busy all the time or later for example using alcohol (in extreme cases). This part, that we are not usually aware of, manifests itself in an incongruence in our behaviour, feelings of tension as if there is a battle going on amongst different parts in us. Maybe one urging us forward to enjoy life and take risks, and the other blocking all we do to prevent us from getting hurt again. These parts can grow to develop their own values and belief system and can appear to have " a mind of their own". It takes a huge amount of energy to maintain these different parts.
These parts however all have a positive intention. They were all created to protect us from pain. The problem is that their purpose and intention often clashes with how they function and the behaviour they induce. Hence feelings of tension, frustration, of being torn and not being whole.
And we miss that wholeness. That powerful yet serene feeling of groundedness when we feel aligned with ourselves, at peace.
In NLP there is a wonderful tool called "Parts Integration", at the same time very simple, but deep and incredibly powerful. My analytical mind was pretty sceptical when I first read about it but I was blown away when during our training it was done on me and yesterday I used it with a client over the phone (which I was then amazed at but thought worth a try)and he was amazed at the results even though he is a very down to earth, anaytical person.
The most important part is for just a moment, suspending disbelief, relaxing and just feeling free to talk. There is no being hypnotised or being in a deep transe. You just relax and guided by the practitioner let the two parts come out on different hands and we talk with them, describing them, identifying their purpose and basically chunking up until we have identified a joint purpose, the initial wholeness. Sometimes there is an exchange of qualities and ressources between the two parts and a gradual feeling of coming together which in most cases manifests itself through the hands coming together.
My client yesterday described a strong feeling of magnetic attraction between his hands as they moved together as if of their own accord. Some then seem to instinctively bring their joint hands up to their heart or chest to feel even deeply the sense of integration, of coming together. That feeling of peace as the two parts join forces for the common goal, an increase in energy yet a deep, deep peace.
I would recommend it to everyone. It is simple, pain free, no need to revisit any painful memories, it just feels natural and profoundly transformational.
Here is to coming together!
Thursday, 7 April 2011
What love language do you speak?
Now this is a very interesting concept which I found in a book called " The five love languages" by Gary Chapman. Someone mentionned it and I must admit at first to have not been particularly interested in reading it until she said it had probably saved her mariage! So I suspended my disbelief and sure enough, this really makes sense!
The concept is that just as we have different ways of viewing the world, what happens to us...etc, we also have different ways of expressing our love. Just as any language, the important thing in communication is actually being understood. So are you and your partner speaking the same love language or talking at cross purposes? Maybe worth investigating! It certainly was an eye openener for my husband and I!
Mr Chapman mentions 5 basic Love languages (how we express our love).
1. Words of affirmation
(Thanks, encouragement, kind words, humble requests,actually saying: I love you)
2. Quality time:
(undivided attention, listening, talking about feelings, shared quality activities)
3. Receiving gifts:
(Gifts as investment, gift of self)
4. Acts of service:
(Doing things: cooking, cleaning, emptying dish washer)
5. Physical touch
(Which is not limited to sex but a hug, a kiss, a pat, holding hands...etc)
So for example my husband would say: "But of course I love you: I bring you flowers". I would appreciate the flowers yet not see those as meaning he particularly loved me. However if he emptied the dish washer without me asking him I would feel he really did love me. Once we became aware we were speaking different languages and once I had understood that though he appreciated all the acts of service I do,he felt loved if I hugged him or held hands then I could express my love in a way which made him feel loved. And that is the whole point isnt it?
Maybe worth working out first for yourself what makes you feel loved and then ask your partner!
Lots of little misunderstandings (or sometimes not so little)can be cleared in this way enabling us to have clear and strong relationships where we feel understood and can give freely in return!
Let's make it happen!
The concept is that just as we have different ways of viewing the world, what happens to us...etc, we also have different ways of expressing our love. Just as any language, the important thing in communication is actually being understood. So are you and your partner speaking the same love language or talking at cross purposes? Maybe worth investigating! It certainly was an eye openener for my husband and I!
Mr Chapman mentions 5 basic Love languages (how we express our love).
1. Words of affirmation
(Thanks, encouragement, kind words, humble requests,actually saying: I love you)
2. Quality time:
(undivided attention, listening, talking about feelings, shared quality activities)
3. Receiving gifts:
(Gifts as investment, gift of self)
4. Acts of service:
(Doing things: cooking, cleaning, emptying dish washer)
5. Physical touch
(Which is not limited to sex but a hug, a kiss, a pat, holding hands...etc)
So for example my husband would say: "But of course I love you: I bring you flowers". I would appreciate the flowers yet not see those as meaning he particularly loved me. However if he emptied the dish washer without me asking him I would feel he really did love me. Once we became aware we were speaking different languages and once I had understood that though he appreciated all the acts of service I do,he felt loved if I hugged him or held hands then I could express my love in a way which made him feel loved. And that is the whole point isnt it?
Maybe worth working out first for yourself what makes you feel loved and then ask your partner!
Lots of little misunderstandings (or sometimes not so little)can be cleared in this way enabling us to have clear and strong relationships where we feel understood and can give freely in return!
Let's make it happen!
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Body and mind spring clean: make room for the new!
I dont know about you in your various parts of the world but spring is definitely on the way here! The sun is shining, the flowers are blossoming, the buds are showing and there is that exciting renewal feeling in the air!
The windows stay open, we linger to chat to the neighbours, take stock of what needs doing in the garden and generally feel energised,hopeful and ready to emerge from hibernation.
Hence spring clean where we de-clutter our house, wash the windows, re-acquaint ourselves with the garden and generally feel in a change mode.
This is also the time when we emerge from our huge jumpers and layers of clothes to often realise that hidden under there are other extra layers which were nice and comforting in the cold but less so with the prospect of lighter clothing.
This is the right time for the body spring clean: the better eating habits, more fresh produce, salads and fruit. More sports or walks so that body can bloosom too.
Now what about the inner spring clean? This is a time of renewal. What unhelpful behaviours or attitudes do you have? Which one change would make the most difference to your levels of happiness, satisfaction, pride in yourself? Maybe during the long dark days of winter you made a list of New year resolutions. How far did you get? NOW IS THE TIME FOR ACTION.
Let's play a game! Don't think too much, just play along!
So choose one specific behaviour you want to have.
1. Select someone either real or imagined who already has that positive behaviour you want. You are now a movie director so play in your mind a film where your chosen character is displaying this behaviour. Really go into the details, see how they look, how they act, what they are doing. Hear what they are saying. Take your time tp picture it vividly in your mind's eye.
2. Now substitute the model for yourself. Actively see yourself doing what your model was doing, look at all the details. Hear your voice. Are there any circumstances when this behaviour may not be appropriate? If not, maybe make the picture a little brighter. Notice how it changes your life and those around you.
Keep modifying the film till it is precisely as you would want it.
3. Now step into your image in the film and see it through your own eyes. Feel what it feels like to have this behaviour and see its effect around you. Build it up, hear your voice and other voices around you. Feel the changes in yourself, watch what is happening around you as you display this new, positive behaviour. What new things are you telling yourself? How differently does your future look? How differently do you look at your past? What new and wonderful things do you have?
4. When would be a good time for you to use this new behaviour in the futur? What will you see, hear and feel as you use it?
5. Now pick another situation when this new behaviour will be useful. Play it in your mind. What are you seeing? What are you feeling? What are you saying to yourself and what are others saying?Enjoy it!
Well done! Now you know you can do it, you have seen yourself, you have felt how good it was and heard what others were saying. So what is stopping you? Go do it!!!!
I based most of this on one of the New Behaviour Generator sections from my NLP course with Noble Manhattan Coaching Ltd, with trainer Aina Egberg.
Let's make it happen!!!
The windows stay open, we linger to chat to the neighbours, take stock of what needs doing in the garden and generally feel energised,hopeful and ready to emerge from hibernation.
Hence spring clean where we de-clutter our house, wash the windows, re-acquaint ourselves with the garden and generally feel in a change mode.
This is also the time when we emerge from our huge jumpers and layers of clothes to often realise that hidden under there are other extra layers which were nice and comforting in the cold but less so with the prospect of lighter clothing.
This is the right time for the body spring clean: the better eating habits, more fresh produce, salads and fruit. More sports or walks so that body can bloosom too.
Now what about the inner spring clean? This is a time of renewal. What unhelpful behaviours or attitudes do you have? Which one change would make the most difference to your levels of happiness, satisfaction, pride in yourself? Maybe during the long dark days of winter you made a list of New year resolutions. How far did you get? NOW IS THE TIME FOR ACTION.
Let's play a game! Don't think too much, just play along!
So choose one specific behaviour you want to have.
1. Select someone either real or imagined who already has that positive behaviour you want. You are now a movie director so play in your mind a film where your chosen character is displaying this behaviour. Really go into the details, see how they look, how they act, what they are doing. Hear what they are saying. Take your time tp picture it vividly in your mind's eye.
2. Now substitute the model for yourself. Actively see yourself doing what your model was doing, look at all the details. Hear your voice. Are there any circumstances when this behaviour may not be appropriate? If not, maybe make the picture a little brighter. Notice how it changes your life and those around you.
Keep modifying the film till it is precisely as you would want it.
3. Now step into your image in the film and see it through your own eyes. Feel what it feels like to have this behaviour and see its effect around you. Build it up, hear your voice and other voices around you. Feel the changes in yourself, watch what is happening around you as you display this new, positive behaviour. What new things are you telling yourself? How differently does your future look? How differently do you look at your past? What new and wonderful things do you have?
4. When would be a good time for you to use this new behaviour in the futur? What will you see, hear and feel as you use it?
5. Now pick another situation when this new behaviour will be useful. Play it in your mind. What are you seeing? What are you feeling? What are you saying to yourself and what are others saying?Enjoy it!
Well done! Now you know you can do it, you have seen yourself, you have felt how good it was and heard what others were saying. So what is stopping you? Go do it!!!!
I based most of this on one of the New Behaviour Generator sections from my NLP course with Noble Manhattan Coaching Ltd, with trainer Aina Egberg.
Let's make it happen!!!
Thursday, 17 March 2011
The simplicity and powerfulness of NLP
Dear followers,
Today I just HAVE to share with you my experiences on the NLP practitioner course I took last week in London or I will BURST!!!
I had been introduced to NLP during my life coach practitioner degree and as most coaches very much integrated the most wider used tools such as: understanding that we have different maps of the world based on our beliefs and values and experiences and how we interpret them. Being aware of how we use language to communicate, the modalities and submodalities we use and how we can use them to run more empowering strategies in our lives.
I am getting carried away ...please excuse me...
First of all: what is NLP?
Neuro Linguistic Programming is how to use the language of the mind to consistently achieve our specific and desired outcomes.We have strategies for everything we do which we are mostly unaware of, this is our software.Some are efficient and serve us well, others less so. When we procrastinate or devour compulsively a box of chocolates or convince ourselves we are no good, we are running efficient strategies, composed of a sequence of chain reactions involving our 5 senses.(visual, auditory, feeling, smell and taste).
So maybe we first get an image of a chocolate, then construct in our mouth feel of the consistency of the chocolate, then say to ourselves "I have had a bad day I deserve it", then feel justified, then act. Just an example. Once we are aware of what we do we can scramble that pattern and install instead a more empowering strategy if we feel we want to have more choice in our behaviour.Sometimes our software needs to be updated and we are running old programs which really do not serve us well.
The first wave of NLP, back in the 70s was rather manipulative and frightened a lot of people. What was wonderful for me this week was to see how some simple tools could transform in a short period the negative behaviour we were suffering from and wanted to change. There was no "programming" apart from what the unconscious mind itself was producing. There was also no need to go back to traumatic moments and dwell on them, the unconscious knew what we meant and just filled in the gaps. The practitioner did not even need to know the content of the issue, just prompt the client to use his 5 senses to be aware of the coding he had used and let his unconscious process the data. It was truly beautiful and profoundly inspiring.
A lot of this I would like to share with you,to enable you to live the life you wish for, free of negative behaviours and attitudes, and will introduce various techniques each week. Do not hesitate to comment!
Let's make it happen!
Today I just HAVE to share with you my experiences on the NLP practitioner course I took last week in London or I will BURST!!!
I had been introduced to NLP during my life coach practitioner degree and as most coaches very much integrated the most wider used tools such as: understanding that we have different maps of the world based on our beliefs and values and experiences and how we interpret them. Being aware of how we use language to communicate, the modalities and submodalities we use and how we can use them to run more empowering strategies in our lives.
I am getting carried away ...please excuse me...
First of all: what is NLP?
Neuro Linguistic Programming is how to use the language of the mind to consistently achieve our specific and desired outcomes.We have strategies for everything we do which we are mostly unaware of, this is our software.Some are efficient and serve us well, others less so. When we procrastinate or devour compulsively a box of chocolates or convince ourselves we are no good, we are running efficient strategies, composed of a sequence of chain reactions involving our 5 senses.(visual, auditory, feeling, smell and taste).
So maybe we first get an image of a chocolate, then construct in our mouth feel of the consistency of the chocolate, then say to ourselves "I have had a bad day I deserve it", then feel justified, then act. Just an example. Once we are aware of what we do we can scramble that pattern and install instead a more empowering strategy if we feel we want to have more choice in our behaviour.Sometimes our software needs to be updated and we are running old programs which really do not serve us well.
The first wave of NLP, back in the 70s was rather manipulative and frightened a lot of people. What was wonderful for me this week was to see how some simple tools could transform in a short period the negative behaviour we were suffering from and wanted to change. There was no "programming" apart from what the unconscious mind itself was producing. There was also no need to go back to traumatic moments and dwell on them, the unconscious knew what we meant and just filled in the gaps. The practitioner did not even need to know the content of the issue, just prompt the client to use his 5 senses to be aware of the coding he had used and let his unconscious process the data. It was truly beautiful and profoundly inspiring.
A lot of this I would like to share with you,to enable you to live the life you wish for, free of negative behaviours and attitudes, and will introduce various techniques each week. Do not hesitate to comment!
Let's make it happen!
Friday, 25 February 2011
Step 8 (final one): Feedback, reward, persistence
Hello everyone and hopefully you have manged to follow the 8 steps to discovering and harnessing your motivation amongst my additional postings!
Step 8 is the last one of that series and has to do with MAINTAINING your motivation once you have discovered and harnessed it!
This has to do with keeping on track, maintaining focus on that which you want to achieve.
Use your book to track what works and what doesnt. Should you slip (and we all do), the most important thing is to examine lucidly what happened: what was the trigger, what were the circumstances and LEARN from it. Too many people are so angry at themselves for having slipped, they are prepared to give everything up! WRONG!!! There is no failure, only feedback. So what did you learn? Welcome this opportunity of having learnt more about yourself.
Keep track also of your ACHIEVEMENTS, however small they may be. We are often so busy beating ourselves up for everything that went wrong that we overlook all the times we did overcome. Acknowledging these achievements will make you feel good and fuel your motivation which is also why it is better to reach little steps and congratulate yourself than try huge ones where you risk landing on your nose with a stab to your confidence and motivation. Behaviour that is rewarded will more often be repeated.
I have been asked what sort of reward? Well that is really up to you and in no way needs to be extravagant, just a kind gesture to yourself, it is more about the message than the content!
PERSEVERE. Sometimes we seem to be doing everything right but are still not getting the result we want. Dont give up. Stay focused and confident that you are doing the right thing, stay centred, trusting the results are on their way.
Well that was the final installment on my 8 Step Methodology. One last reminder: YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE, make it the RIGHT one!
Step 8 is the last one of that series and has to do with MAINTAINING your motivation once you have discovered and harnessed it!
This has to do with keeping on track, maintaining focus on that which you want to achieve.
Use your book to track what works and what doesnt. Should you slip (and we all do), the most important thing is to examine lucidly what happened: what was the trigger, what were the circumstances and LEARN from it. Too many people are so angry at themselves for having slipped, they are prepared to give everything up! WRONG!!! There is no failure, only feedback. So what did you learn? Welcome this opportunity of having learnt more about yourself.
Keep track also of your ACHIEVEMENTS, however small they may be. We are often so busy beating ourselves up for everything that went wrong that we overlook all the times we did overcome. Acknowledging these achievements will make you feel good and fuel your motivation which is also why it is better to reach little steps and congratulate yourself than try huge ones where you risk landing on your nose with a stab to your confidence and motivation. Behaviour that is rewarded will more often be repeated.
I have been asked what sort of reward? Well that is really up to you and in no way needs to be extravagant, just a kind gesture to yourself, it is more about the message than the content!
PERSEVERE. Sometimes we seem to be doing everything right but are still not getting the result we want. Dont give up. Stay focused and confident that you are doing the right thing, stay centred, trusting the results are on their way.
Well that was the final installment on my 8 Step Methodology. One last reminder: YOU ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE, make it the RIGHT one!
Friday, 4 February 2011
Step 7: Take MASSIVE Action!!!!
Mmmmmm... this is the bit where quite a few start shuffling on their seat feeling uncomfortable. All the defining and planning was useful and eye opening, but now actually having to do something?
Yes you do. "If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got". As simple as that.
This is not about making a vague wish and sitting there waiting for it to happen. Because you know what? The probability it happens is not very high. Yes, you ask, yes you believe and trust it will happen but you also have to DO everything in your ability to make it happen! But the Good News is that your Fairy Godmother, the one person who can change that dream into a reality is not very far.
It is YOU. Only you. Your focus. Your WILL POWER fuelled by that deep motivation we anchored before.
Feel it! Get excited about what you are doing!
You can't wait to start implementing the changes, to face up to the temptations and win over the saboteur voice. Its just you speaking to you so make sure you choose the right words!
Welcome the pain, the uncomfort, the resistance knowing you are overcoming , secure in your power to win. Not sure I totally endorse the "No pain, no gain" but welcome the proof you are doing something different: you are on track to the new you!
However it is not about stressing and obsessing the whole time.
INTENTION: Know what you want
ATTENTION: Doing all it takes
LACK OF TENSION: Just letting it flow, reins in hand.
Now that feels great doesnt it?
Next week we will talk about rewarding to keep on track!
Let's make it happen!
Yes you do. "If you do what you always did, you will get what you always got". As simple as that.
This is not about making a vague wish and sitting there waiting for it to happen. Because you know what? The probability it happens is not very high. Yes, you ask, yes you believe and trust it will happen but you also have to DO everything in your ability to make it happen! But the Good News is that your Fairy Godmother, the one person who can change that dream into a reality is not very far.
It is YOU. Only you. Your focus. Your WILL POWER fuelled by that deep motivation we anchored before.
Feel it! Get excited about what you are doing!
You can't wait to start implementing the changes, to face up to the temptations and win over the saboteur voice. Its just you speaking to you so make sure you choose the right words!
Welcome the pain, the uncomfort, the resistance knowing you are overcoming , secure in your power to win. Not sure I totally endorse the "No pain, no gain" but welcome the proof you are doing something different: you are on track to the new you!
However it is not about stressing and obsessing the whole time.
INTENTION: Know what you want
ATTENTION: Doing all it takes
LACK OF TENSION: Just letting it flow, reins in hand.
Now that feels great doesnt it?
Next week we will talk about rewarding to keep on track!
Let's make it happen!
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