Connecting with self through the cello - finding core harmony

It could not have been a more perfect day for me to try out the “You, as instrument” workshop than this rainy autumnal Friday. “The House of inspiration” studio, tucked away in the Wassenaar  woods, felt like a haven of warmth and cosiness from the pouring rain and blustering wind outside.

The feeling of space, the cushions and blankets, the hot tea and apple cake, the chairs in a circle and the warm smiles of the other attendants felt like a cool hand on a fevered brow after my hectic start to the day. To be honest, I had been very tempted to cancel, there was so much going on, I was hyperventilating at the thought of the number of hours “lost” by driving to Wassenaar for a 2-hour workshop. But I had met and liked the organiser, Evelien Fokker and her description of the course using the metaphor of us as instruments, in harmony or not, as solo or ensemble and how we directed the symphony of our lives had really resonated with me, and once I commit, I see it through.

Once seated and  having communally delighted in the shower of colourful leaves visible through the huge bay windows practically encircling us, Evelien welcomed us with the first few strums of her beautiful cello before sharing her passion for psychology, music and transformation, the concerts she gives here, and how she coaches her clients to finding inner harmony and taking the steps they need to take.

Settled in a circle, in comfy clothing, some making use of cushions and blankets, we followed her voice as she invited us to relax and plant our feet firmly on the ground. Shutting my eyes as she played the cello, I felt the vibrations travelling up my body through my feet and finding a cavity somewhere around my stomach, heart and chest heart where it seemed to resonate, filling me with peace and warmth. I marveled at how fast I had got to this feeling of calm. Evelien’s melodious voice guided us through some deep breathing as we let go of the stress we had brought with us (which in my case was a lot) and traveled back to the present moment by quietly, factually, reliving our morning, step by step from the moment we awoke to now.

I felt firmly anchored and could feel my stress still buzzing around me, but no longer IN me. Palms open, utter calm, in this safe circle.

We were told to set an intention for our two-hour session. Personally, I would like to anchor this feeling of peace and “groundedness” to be able to call on it at times of need. At the risk of sounding weird, the thought crossed my mind that these vibrations seemed to connect to something far older than me, maybe some ancestral wisdom locked into my DNA over the generations.

Evelien invited us to see ourselves as instruments and question our harmony. Usually I find these sorts of questions relatively hard to relate to but I immediately was aware that I needed to tone down, slow down, quieten down in order to be better heard and leave more silence and space for those around me to express themselves.

We then had 15 minutes and free rein of the room to think about where energy streamed and where energy blocked in our professional and personal lives. It was interesting to see how we all chose different ways to go about our assignment. Evelien played the grand piano, one woman spontaneously started singing, I started by swinging in the hammock whilst making notes, then did some yoga, some sat or lay, all very melodiously busy with our assignment in our own unique ways.

What a privileged place to be, I feel I am accessing a level of calm and inner wisdom I have not visited in a very long time. Lesson learnt, the more stressed, the more reason to make time to reconnect with oneself in sessions such as these. They bring the big picture, the insights which lead us to go through our lives from a position of connection, of values and that is what gives us purpose and meaning.

We shared our insights after each exercise, the atmosphere was safe and open and we all shared for a position of authenticity. Evelien flowed effortlessly between her two passions, this beautiful music which was soothing and inspiring us, and her very acute, at times challenging questions, urging us deeper in our thoughts. It was interesting to notice we had all achieved something concrete. We had worked hard yet it seemed to be there just waiting for us to ask the right question and be in the right state of mind to simply let it flow straight out.

Next was utter bliss…we moved to the half circle bay windows where you genuinely felt a part of nature and settled ourselves down on mats with as many cushions and blankets we felt we needed and lay, cocooned in ourselves whilst Evelien played the cello, her voice guiding us through deep breathing. I felt in utter peace, entirely present, deep within myself yet connected to the whole, to the nature around us, to the music streaming  through us, to the other women breathing around me, and to life as a whole. Utter gratitude swelled up. Gently we came back and started stretching our body to yoga exercises, feeling the deep harmony between body, heart and mind.

Hard to leave that blissful pace, I was tempted to crawl under the mat and stay there all weekend.

It was then time to rejoin in the circle, each one of us in a very different place than 2 hours previously.

We were encouraged to formulate clearly:

-          What had happened

-          What had come out of the session

-          And what the first step to incorporating that change was

Once we had shared that, we committed this to paper on a card that some chose to decorate and highlight.

This was a deep, enjoyable but also clearly impactful session with practical and concrete outcomes.

An original cocktail of coaching, music, yoga, mindfulness with a clear goal-oriented outcome. I wish all of you the opportunity to witness it yourself, especially if you think you have no time for this!

For more information on thia workshop: www.evelienfokker.com

Let's make it happen: Root to Rise

Let's make it happen: Root to Rise: I Like yoga. It helps me connect with myself and the world around me, stretch out my frazzled mind and tense body, and leaves me peacefu...

Root to Rise

I Like yoga. It helps me connect with myself and the world around me, stretch out my frazzled mind and tense body, and leaves me peaceful and serene, in harmony with my body, soul, heart and mind.

In later years I have chosen for Yoga from home via YouTube, which means I manage to do at least 30 minutes most days.

For some reason yesterday, during my “Yoga with Adrienne” session (love the girl!), the term “ root for rise” which is used constantly to mean anchor firmly through all sides of your feet as you rise up from a folded position, resonated with me in a different way.

It is SO true. We can only truly rise/grow, as a person, when we are firmly rooted in who we are. When we know who we are, what we need, and what we are here for. When we acquire that deep inner knowledge and acceptance of  who we are, with the good and the bad, the things we should do more of, less of, when we know ourselves and embrace the imperfect beings we are, yet strive every day to become a better version of ourselves. Then, we have a strong foundation to build on, enabling us to find the confidence and motivation, to move outside our comfort zone, enabling growth.

I guess these roots come from an authentic connection with self, from knowing our values that guide our decisions and having a WHY, a purpose which serves as compass.

Do you know who you are?

Are you honest in your connection and communication with yourself? What about stopping to ask yourself that question… Maybe you are, and if so, you will know it as you will go through life feeling strong and capable of coping with whatever comes your way. But maybe you have been too busy keeping your head above water in our frantic society to ask yourself that question, or maybe you are living the life someone else wanted for you…

We are here to rise, to grow, to develop and contribute. Each of us has a story to tell, a light to shine, and a contribution to make. We owe it to ourselves, and to the world, to do so.

Maybe this week we should make an hour free and go somewhere quiet to invest in ourselves and check our roots are strong and healthy, providing us the “groundedness” to rise, to grow and be the person we know we can be.

Enjoy!

#youdeservetobeheard
#letsmakeithappen

Perfecting the pitch!

Exciting day for me last Friday as I tried a different pitch at the Global Woman Amsterdam monthly networking event. (For those of you not familiar with the term pitch, it is basically presenting your product or service to potential clients or investors). I was very surprised at myself, that after years of public speaking, I still felt a massive adrenaline rush standing up there. I guess it is a good thing as it pushes me to do my best, but I realized more.

This time it was about MY business. I was putting myself out there, whereas usually I am presenting for an organization or a Club. Until recently, when I decided it was time for me to really step out there, my clients had all just sort of found me and I had never really had to “sell” KPC&C.

Let alone the confidence issue, the big challenge of a pitch I found, was how, in a limited period of time do you manage to convey WHO you are What you do, How you do it and most importantly WHY you do it, whilst connecting with the audience in an authentic way so they understand how you can help them.

I guess In my case too it is relatively recently that I have decided to start ignoring everyone’s advice that I need to niche, so I try to represent my 5 areas of business under the red line of Connection and Communication as they all correspond to a separate part of me where I believe I can help others.

I realized I could technically pack in a surprising amount of words in 2 minutes but would run the risk of leaving my audience gasping for air, and all the non-native English speakers would hear would be an energetic blur. And less is more.

But I managed, and it felt good. I was delighted to be approached by many women entrepreneurs in the break wishing to take me up on my editing offer, so I guess it worked.

Practice is indeed the name of the game, and I am grateful to Global Woman for offering us a safe platform to do so.

I did get some help, which I owe to mention here. In August, fellow GW member Idelma del Mar offered a great deal on a webinar entitled “Create your Golden Pitch”. For 5 days you received a daily email, video and set of exercises, with a live Q&A on day 4 and you could submit your pitch for comments. The different modules helped me a lot. I learnt the different sorts of pitches, the essential ingredients and how to tie it all in together, plus you get a “Golden Format” you can review before each pitch. Idelma herself is knowledgeable and charming with a clear desire to help you succeed. More information at idelmadelmar.nl   and iinfo@idelmadelmar.nl.

Once the content is worked out, then it is time for challenge two: mastering the skills of presentation, but more on that soon.

Happy pitching to you all! It’s a great feeling to be able to word who you are and what you stand for in a concise and impactful way!

#you deserve to be heard

#let’s make it happen!

The Power of being Seen

Usually, I write about “the Power of being Heard” since my company is dedicated to helping others, women entrepreneurs in particular, be heard to maximum effect; but yesterday I discovered the exhilarating power of being SEEN! 

Really seen, seen in a way we rarely see ourselves, seen in all our angles and shades for who we really are (and seen my passion for life I may have slightly more facets than an average person), seen in all our unique combination of strengths and weaknesses.

I felt not only surprised and exhilarated, but also complete and at peace, liberated at a most profound level, no longer needing to work out and express all of who I am. I felt that the two women with whom I worked that day, revealed to me aspects of myself that till then I had only felt but had never seen, as an outsider would, as a photographer would, if they looked deep enough.

Sure, I have known Lisa and Vinita for a certain amount of years, they saw me through my Presidency of the Women’s Business Initiative International the Hague, through my ups and downs, both professional and personal and had a fair idea of who I was and where my power, my gifts, my drive lay. 

Still, as we worked on the photos of my branding and new website, their insights, ideas regarding frames/props/colours/ perspectives, their coaching of me following on hours of work on my values, my mission, my WHY made me feel they had shifted something fundamental in me, almost as if they were revealing to me all of who I am.

 And boy did we have fun moving my flat upside down and traipsing to the beach to take over the local beach café with my vase of flowers and African artifacts!

The energy, the synergy between photographer and web designer, the last minute brainwaves, it all just worked out so perfectly and even the sun cooperated.

What started out as just a need to define my branding and for a clearer more pro-active website that had lead me to contact Lisa Hall from Lemonberry who partners with Vinita Salome from Salome Photography, turned out to be so much more than a photo shoot.

I feel revealed and even more deeply grounded in who I am, what I stand for and how I want to contribute to the world. I feel I am finally daring to stand in my own light and am tremendously grateful to them for their professionalism, their genuine willingness to show me who I am, their heart and energy and their commitment to empowering others through their work.

I wish for all of you to experience this in one form or another.

Curious to the results of the photo shoot/branding? So am I! Watch this space for when I launch the new website!

#youdeserve to be heard. Let’s make it happen!

Who doesn't want to shift mental blocks?

I believe in life, we need all the tool sets we can get, so yes, if I come across a book or a course which truly inspires me, I believe in sharing. No, I am not paid to endorse people, I just feel a natural urge to share the good things with others, so it can help them too.

Via my coaching accreditation agency, I heard about an online PASSION summit this Summer which immediately appealed to me.
 I am a big believer in PASSION, I think it makes the world go round, gets me out of bed and gives meaning to what I do. I love it when everything seems to flow from that passion, I work hard and can see the results. At other moments however, it  seems that however hard I work, I go to bed frustrated and feel I am going around in circles. Does that ring a bell?

The Summit came with a book, subtitled “Toolset for initiative fatigue. Permanently shifting mental blocks of coaches, leaders and learning students”. After devouring the book and doing all the exercises, , I feel it should not limit itself to the above, but we can ALL use and benefit from it.

The author, Rachael Orchard designed the PASSION toolset after 6 years of frustration in her own life and business which led her to years of research and study, resulting in this all-encompassing, deep, human, and extremely practical book.
My preference always goes to authors who admit they were stuck and suffered (and I could certainly relate to Rachel) and could not help but be in awe by the depth of her research and the analysis it brought.

What I liked about it:

-          - It is a one stop shop for reminding myself why I do what I do, staying on track, overcoming obstacles and re-evaluating and adapting as I move forward

-         -  It is hands-on practical, with exercises, diagrams, daily calibrations tools and tips

-         -  Rachel adds her own experience at each chapter, which deeply resonated with me

-          - Each chapter comes with inspiring quotes

-          - Each chapter ends with space for you to note what, concretely you will change after reading

PASSION is an acronym on which each chapter is based:

P ower                                  : Understanding you have the magic wand

A uthenticity                      : Knowing what your specific magic powers are

S aying what you will do : Not being afraid to try

S ticking to what you say: Respons-able

I ndex                                   : When something is not working, try something different

O bstacles                           : Love the imperfections

N avigation                         : Practice, practice, practice

There is so much out there, I find it a relief to have this one book to re-visit regularly as I “ sharpen the saw” in my own life and practice, to better serve my clients.

Let's make it happen, you DESERVE to be HEARD.

The importance of sometimes just going with the flow…

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes struggle striking the right balance between knowing where I am going and focusing on it; and on the other hand sometimes letting go of that focus to open up to other possibilities.

One example: lately I have been focusing exclusively on my business and streamlining it in a way where the red thread running through all the things, I do is visible, and people understand what I believe in and what I can offer them.

I have already been told that business wise, it is better to focus on one niche and specialize in it, rather than cover various areas. I have been trying that for years and now at 52 I have decided that variety is who I am. The areas I cover are what I am passionate about, where my skills and experience lie and where I believe I can empower others.

Baseline belief is that we all deserve to be heard and that grounded happiness comes through honest and efficient connection and communication with ourselves, and others. So, I coach to improve communication with self and for improving communication with others and getting the results we want I: edit, translate, write, present and teach.

Then over the past few months I had been thinking how much I miss acting, how I enjoy reading aloud, how I enjoyed presenting on the radio. In my Buddhist group I was often asked to read the passages as they enjoyed my voice, so the thinking starts…What is all of this saying to me? Is there a missed opportunity to create value for myself and for others? Am I being all of who I can be? I start skimming the internet and discover he huge world of voice over I had never even heard about.

Should I do it or should I not? Should I focus on the large amount of work I already have with what is already running, or should I devote time and energy to what may also be significant in my life?

I realize that for me living a life of no regrets is one of my main drivers.

I contacted intervoiceover, signed up for their online course and found myself in their Amsterdam studio last Saturday having a lot of fun making a demo!

Yes, it cost me a bit of money, a bit of energy, a bit of time. Will it be significant in my life? Who knows. It was in line with my “you deserve to be heard” mission and I feel proud and at peace that I “followed the signs”, followed my heart and gut so I can advance with authenticity and conviction.

I think indeed that yes, we need to focus and see through, but not with shutter vision, opening up to additional opportunities, if in line with mission, only enhances the original goal.

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be” Douglas Adams

What do you think?

Review of " 12 days" by business coach Eric Behanzin

One of the things I like the most about the holidays, beyond sharing more time with those I love, is allowing myself more time to read.

One of the books I read (I was one of the lucky few to get a free copy at the Global Woman summit in London last month) is “12 days” by Eric Behanzin.
Eric overcame a difficult childhood, became a singer, musician and teacher before becoming a very successful business coach and launching the “Explosive business methodology.

In this book he retires to the countryside for 12 days to share what he has learnt are the 12 simple and powerful steps to becoming a rich, happy and proud entrepreneur. He then decided to complicate things a bit for himself by separating the book in left hand pages for the methodology, and right-hand pages to stream of consciousness on the daily process of writing this book. And because Eric is Eric, he decided during the 12 days to fast, not only no food, but also NO DRINK.

Seen the 12 steps (written one a day) also include a video, I imagined the end would be the grisly viewing of a dying man… but no…

Each step is explained, summarized and accompanied by exercises to put into practice. So, what did I learn?

- The importance of values
- how to discover and use your passions, ultra-skills and personal experience to define your mission
- Detailed steps to defining your mission
- Finding your ultimate gift
- How to sell easily and quickly
- The prerequisites of elegant selling
- Sound financial advice
- Daily rituals to focus on your goal
- Decision making and the importance of taking a rest
- Listing your priorities for a happy life
- Find your cause and CONTRIBUTE

This may seem quite straight forward to some, but his approach is different and I found it fascinating to follow his thoughts on the right hand side and see him go through various stages of enthusiasm, tiredness, determination and exhilaration as he survived 12 days without food or drink!! He IS a regular dry-faster and also has a theory on that.

What impressed me the most, beyond the soundness of his methodology, is his profound belief in the significance of what he has found out in the process and his burning desire to share it with us for the good of all.

Basically: 130 pages of inspiration.

“ Anything is possible to those who believe”, Eric Behanzin.  

The Golden Circle: this is what it is all about! Part 1

I have just read with utter fascination Simon Sinek's book: "Start with why" and it makes so much sense!!! To EVERYTHING!
And ties in wonderfully to what I have always thought: that purpose and passion are what gets us out of bed in the morning and now I see there is clear science behind it.

Seeing we digest better in nuggets I shall write a few blogs on this:
- the Golden Circle (this blog)
- the biology behind it and how it applies to buying/selling
- The Golden Circle and Leadership

His Golden circle finds order and predictability in human behaviour. For now:what is it?

At the centre of the circle is the:
WHY: the belief, visualise this as the glowing Bulls eye
HOW is the next circle around it: How are the actions you take realising that belief
WHAT is the third circle around the 2 precedent and serves as tangible proof you are walking the talk.

Apple uses this model and people buy because they are inspired by the WHY.

I decided to apply it to what I do:
WHY:
I sincerely believe we all have it in us to live a happy, fulfilled life creating value and that we owe it to ourselves and to the world to do so.
HOW:
By finding our Purpose and Passion and putting it into action and by Connecting and Communicating with ourselves and with others.
WHAT:
KPC&C provides motivational coaching to enhance connecting and communicating with ourselves and Consultancy in the fields of writing/editing/translating/presenting and languages to optimise connection and communication with others.

Why don't you for this week give it a try. Take your purpose, your life goal and ask yourself those questions.
Imagine you are selling it, we usually start with what we are doing but it is so much more inspiring and effective to start with WHY...

More on this next week....
Lets make it happen....

Human Touch still at the Heart of Business

I was privileged recently in being invited to a company outing organised by  www.businesscontroller.nu in partnership with www.wens.finance. 

My claim to fame, being a long-time acquaintance of Paul Kramer and having edited the English version of their acclaimed online financial ability tests.

The outing consisted in sailing the famous Skûtsje boats in Friesland on the Gaastmeer in Sneek.

 Invited were various acquaintances, clients, prospectives from the Financial world. However, business was not on the agenda. No suits or acquisition, but sports clothes, sharing the moment and a lot of fun.

We met at Lokaal 55 in Sneek and introduced ourselves around coffee and cakes basking in the late September sun.

Florian from Uit-zeilen explained how this magnificent 20 m flat bottom sailing boat (Skûtsje ) was manned and the security rules.

And off we set under skipper Florian’s capable guidance for 2 hours of utter bliss, good but not over-powering wind, bright sun, vivid blue sky, stunning Dutch water landscape, and active sailing (perhaps even sportier at times than some were comfortable with!). Florian actually sails the boat in competitions with a crew of 12-16.

What I found particularly invigorating was the coming together through activity, all hands on deck, in different constellations, bonding and laughing (some at my expense as I managed to rip the seat of my jeans within 2 minutes…).

The event was also exquisitely organised, freshly cooked Bitterballen bounced on board the moment we were moored.

Sun-flushed and wind-blown we gathered around a drink and a delicious, very refined Barbeque, well proud of our exertions as the sun set enhancing the great décor inside lokaal 55.I cannot vouch for the meat but the fish and shrimp delicately steamed “en papillotes” was divine, as were the salads.

Interesting to think this group of fun relaxed people are usually quite serious, suit -clad CFOs…

What impressed me the most, was the fact that in these highly digitalised days, the concept of such an outing is still seen as important and valuable to make time for, both from the organisers and the participants point of view.

Wonderful to feel the human touch still rules, holding true the adage that “we do business with people we like”.

Onwards and upwards.                                                               

More information on Uit-zeilen events at www.uit-zeilen.nl

 www.kennedy-coaching.com

Turn the sound down or play it backward

There is an expression in French: "Tu ne vas pas en faire un film!" meaning when something has happened, that one should not make a "whole film" a whole brouhaha about it.
Yet that IS what most of us do. And so do I. When something happens we find annoying or hurtful or frustrating we go over it again and again and create a film with "and I will say that"and then this will ensue and this time I will answer...etc etc
The more we do that, the more we climb our high horse of self-righteousness or cower down wallowing in self pity, or shoot off all guns blazing... the more vivid we make the film. Adding action, making the picture more vivid, more colourful, louder till we almost wish we were there to enjoy this master piece... Yet after a while...what might have felt good as vent to emotions becomes a very impactful film which does not go away, no pause button at night and it turns into a torment...

So now is time to take action and using NLP, adapt the modalities...

Does your film lose impact if it is black and white? What if you turn the volume down or even off ?
Maybe instead of broadcasting the film in our mind on a large panoramic screen, we scrunch it down to a barely visible square on the periphery of our vision.
You could even make it funny and play it fast-forward or backwards? How does that feel? It loses its impact doesn't it?
Instead of triggering immediately all our emotional buttons, we can pause and consider what we are seeing and choose our reaction.
The images then return to what in effect they are, purely self made images, with as much meaning and impact as we choose to give them, a fiction, a fantasy...

Maybe give that a try next time you have a non-empowering scenario which seems to be stuck on repeat in your mind.

We always have a choice, make it the one which empowers you.

Let's make it happen...

Do YOU wear body lotion?

Strange question maybe coming from a coach... The question arose in a coaching session about 10 years ago which was mostly centred on overwhelm and linked in to an increased awareness of her feeling of self -esteem and self-worth and served as cataclyst for needed changes...

We then called it the "body lotion test"and I have used it a few more times since then.

Obviously it is NOT about the body lotion as self, as you may not personally use any without it reflecting on your feeling of self worth. It was in the category of not essential hygiene like a shower or brushing teeth are, yet a routine that most (women at least) carry out which involves, caring for their body, literally being in touch with it and taking those additional 5 minutes to make them feel good and set them up for the challenges and tasks of the day ...

It is about caring about yourself so you in turn can care about others. If we do not respect ourselves, why should others?
It is not about being selfish, much the contrary, it is about a  minimum effort to set ourselves up to being our personal best and being able to reach out to others from a position of plenty and peace...

So...Do YOU wear body lotion?

Gathering the fruits of the Summer

Welcome back!
Whether you have been abroad, taken a holiday, or enjoyed a quieter work period due to the Summer months, I hope you are now getting back into operational mode and looking ahead to the third Trimester of this year.
So, did you manage to pause at any point and smell the roses?
What did that bring you? Maybe before we get caught up in the rush it would be beneficial to take a few minutes and reflect on any insights, what they mean, and what needs changing.

The advantage of a break is that we take a step back and get a better view of the big picture, one we can not get when we are IN it.
My own insight was into what drains me and what drives me and where I would like my energy to go.

What do YOU find draining and what can you do about it? Maybe there are some extra activities which could be reduced? Some delegation which could be done?

On the other hand, what GIVES you energy? What gets you out of bed in the morning and can you tailor in some more?

Investing maybe one hour this week to reflect on yourself is worthwhile and will in the long run give your life more purpose and yourself more self-fulfilment.

Enjoy the journey! Let's make it happen.

Summer time: Stopping to smell the roses

For many of us, Summer is associated with holidays, maybe some Sun and travel, a break, but how many of us REALLY take a break nowadays?
We might be taking a break from a regular job and not needing to go in to the office but is it a clean break? Or do you try to think ahead to Autumn, catch up on work issues which always seemed to slip or maybe even, though on holiday, you still access the mails, read the apps and though not physically in the office are still very much thinking about work related issues?

Then again, if miraculously, you mange to cut yourself off, maybe your Summer goals are to catch up on all the other items which you feel need doing, and leave or wake with a to-do list a mile long?
I admire my coaching clients who indeed take their self reflection homework with them but even to them I say: Take a break!
Literally, no agenda.
Waking up fully in the present without deadlines and lists, ignoring that nagging voice telling us that "really you should...".
Even the most wonderful goals can become chores if we don't every now and then step back.

No agenda means seizing the day as it comes, in whatever shape that may be. Once not told where to go, our mind can be wonderfully revealing of the little things, little pleasures that actually show us what matters most.

Stepping back provides a better view of the big picture. How can you see something if your nose is in it? Sometimes those tasks we are trying so assiduously to commit to are not actually taking us where we want to go. When we step back, we think more clearly and may access insights of a far more creative solution our brain missed as it was focusing on what had already been set.
More and more companies are noticing the downside of having employees 24/7 electronically available as they are becoming less creative.

Even the things we think are meaningful as in cooking for loved ones can detract from what really matters. I remember my Mother lovingly spending hours in the kitchen to show her love to her family, whereas most of us would have just preferred she sit down and spend time with us and a baguette and cheese would taste extra delicious if we were spending quality time together.

This Summer just BE instead of relentless DOING.
Notice things, the little things and notice people with genuine curiosity and desire to connect and share.

Let alone the pleasure of accessing moments of genuine happiness, that state so many aspire to without realising it can only ever be accessed in the present, it will give you clarity of mind and vision and you will probably achieve more of the things which will make a difference, and in a more efficient way as a bonus.


Wishing you a wonderful Summer, a summer of being present and fully inhaling the heady fragrance of roses...

Dealing with the negative chatterbox

We don't always control what happens to us but we can always choose how to interpret it.

Are you aware of what you say to yourself? "I cant do it, I will never manage, I am not good enough, I messed up again"....
Why do we do this?
Mostly through self protection to avoid being disappointed or hurt...but is that a way to live? Never knowing how rich our life could have been or how purposeful we are? Living in fear...

The first step is to be aware of what we are saying to ourselves...listen out to what you are saying to yourself. Negative words make us weak and positive words make us strong, as simple as that.
Sure most of us are totally professional at the put-down talk and it takes a lot of practice to re-frame in a positive way. But you will be surprised how fast it can go with some practice. It is like staying fit: you have to work out.
Are you your own best friend? Encouraging yourself gently to step outside your comfort zone?

"Security is not having things, but handling them".

So what can you do once you hear the negative voice. First do not fear or avoid but acknowledge it as a a kind friend who wants to protect you. Acknowledge it and thank it for caring for you. This does not mean the voice is right, its intent usually is.'

"Thank you for pointing out I may get hurt. It is a possibility but I am stronger now and I trust I have it in me to make this work, and owe it to myself to try".. that sort of thing.

For those of you interested in giving it a try AFFIRMATIONS are a good way to practice out-talking our negativity.
An affirmation has to be:
- in the Present (not "I will" but "I am")
- Positive (not "I will stop bingeing" but "I am in control")
- Personal : I

For example"Everyday I am getting stronger".The more often you repeat it the more you will believe it. Saying it out loud in front of the mirror with a smile on your face works wonders too....though one may feel totally ridiculous at first but hey, if you don't try, you will never know....

Next post I would like to explore the "higher self" and what she/he can say to the chatterbox,,,

Actually on a personal point, as I was jogging yesterday I realised I actually have three little gnomes in me:
- the positive: Yes I can
- the negative: you are not good enough
- the neutral: both of you shut up and just let me BE

How about you???

Befriending Fear Part 1

We all live with fear. For some of us it is a voice on the periphery, for others it is a paralysing force.
"Pushing through the fear is less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness", is what is stated in "Feel the Fear and do it anyway" from Susan Jeffers.
Over the next few weeks I want to examine various aspects and tips of this book which I found both practical and inspirational.

She categorises Fears in:
Level 1: Those that happen (ex ageing) and those requiring a decision
Level 2: inner states of mind (rejection, vulnerability)
Level 3: I cant handle it

Of all the fears we know, the one thing we need to trust is our ability to handle whatever comes our way.
We must make a companion out of fear, especially as at the end of the day apparently 90% of what we fear never happens! Seems a strange way to live one's life!
She uses a pain to power charter where you take responsibility and most importantly handle the chatterbox within.
Taking action is where the power lies as it takes us away from the feeling of being a helpless victim and being aware is already half the battle.

"Ships in harbour are safe, but that is not what ships are built for"John Shead.
If we live in fear, of change, of not being good enough, of humiliation, and loss we only live half a life and that is not what we are built for.
The truth is, we all feel that fear and the only way to get through the fear of doing, is to do.
Susan suggests tackling a fear a day to expand our horizon and experiencing how liberating it is.

She gives practical tips such as:
1. Listing all the pay -offs
2. Being aware of the options and making it a game to de-dramatise. "Angels fly because they take themselves lightly", she suggests playing with life instead of fighting it. Doesnt that already feel good?
3. Notice what you are saying to yourself ( I cant, I should, its not my fault)
4. List available choices that could change unpleasant situations into pleasant ones, play the change your point of view game. What would another suggest?
5. Focus on the good things and not the bad
6. Commit to spending one week without criticising or complaining

Some things are within our circle of influence and others not, they just happen and you can complain and resist and fight them, or just go with the flow and say YES to your universe

More next time about dealing with the chatterbox within, for now Let's make it happen and start on the road to self-empowerement by befriending our fears...

Dressing with confidence and feeling comfortable in your authentic you

Anne Bybjerg Moller from Image & Style March 31^st 2016

I entered Image & Style consultant Anne Bybjerg’s with the weight of the world on my shoulders and left 3 hours later a changed woman. Radiant and thrilled, with a spring to my step.

I have my dramatic wardrobe malfunctions like the rest of us, leaving a mountain of discarded clothes crossly flung around the room but on average I am a confident dresser and was mainly curious as to what “doing your colours” was all about.

First of all, stressed as I was, it just felt wonderful to relax in her beautiful style studio.

It became however a fascinating journey she took me on in the following 3 hours as we uncovered my colour story. And it was not what I expected.

As Anne said “I don’t work ON my clients, I work WITH them” and for me personally it was a perfect mix between facts and my questions and her observations on how my skin tone and eye colour reacted to the different colours she placed around me in terms of depth and brightness, in the search for the colours that “reveal your own beauty”.

Once you find the array which works the best then of course your personal choices and personality help you choose from the whole array.

Colours are only one aspect of what Anne looks at. She also takes body line proportions into account when advising on patterns and cuts. It is not about following fashion and trends but on what is good for you, to develop a personal style which suits you, gives confidence and the right impression based on who you are and how you want to present yourself.

For example though I usually love bright powerful colours and adore large jewellery, having already a rather large personality, if I come charging into a meeting also dressed in a very powerful way, I can seem rather TOO overbearing and my clothes then distract from the seriousness of what I am saying.

Colours are grouped by season with light and dark variations and there is a lot to choose from!

We started by removing my make- up and decking me out in a white bib to cover up my clothes (an all black ensemble which indeed I now see, drains my face).

 Anne and I had both expected, based on my personality for me to be a spring and some colours worked but after a while I could see what she saw, which colours brought out blemishes, or hardened the lines on my face, or made my lips blueish …etc and I emerged a Summer with some colours I would not have seen myself in (pale pinks and yellows) dusty pink, really making my face look beautiful in a natural way. It was a real eye-opener.

It was wonderfully relaxing and fun finding the real Julie. I got a swatch wallet with all summer colours and a sticker next to those which really worked for me and I made them my own.

By the end I was literally glowing and the cherry on the cake was when I asked Anne if she also had recommendations for my make- up and she proceeded  in 5 minutes , dabbing on a few  colours left and right to leave me looking and feeling a million dollars!

As President of the WBII I was also particularly chuffed to see the foundation samples she was using were the mineral powders from Alima pure sold by a fellow member: another great example of business co-operation!

Would I recommend this? Now, yes I most whole heartedly would, Ann guided me with patience, kindness and tremendous know-how and I believe shopping will be less an overwhelming chore to me now I know what to look for!

Dressing with confidence, feeling comfortable to be authentic you: have you done yours??

Using our three brains: Neuroscience and coaching

Here I am again after a long break and this time...coaching found me. When 4 clients contacted me in a week I knew it was time to get back in the saddle.

Yesterday at the kind invitation of Nico Samaras and his Etimy coaching platform, I had the chance to hear Vikki Brock speak about Neuroscience and our three brains! The newest discipline to link with coaching. It was so inspiring, I hardly slept.

( Vicki Brock is Master certified coach, Phd in History of Coaching: "I raise awareness so each person has a conscious choice".)

So basically we have three brains:
- The Head brain (central nervous system): it makes meaning (logic, patterns, language, metaphor)
- the Heart brain (cardiac nervous system): processes emotions, values, beliefs, makes connections, trust
- Gut brain (enteric nervous system): survival, instinct, fight/flight, core identity.

"Flow", by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. For him the Flow is the total of head+heart+gut+individual experiences.

These neuro networks all have memory intelligence and control our decisions.
In effect this is nothing new. In Aristotle's "Rhetoric" He already referred to influencing logos, pathos and ethos. In the Tao religion too and what are they all going to the Wizard of Oz for? Scarecrow looking for a brain (head), Tinwoodsman looking for a heart and Cowardly Lion looking for courage! (and Dorothy just wants to go home!)
But it was only in 1998 that books started to be written on the subject.

Trust your gut, listen to your heart, use your brain, as Vikki said.

There is an over- reliance in the Western World on the head brain which uses 80% of the body's energy.
The holistic approach to coaching is to use our three brains to speak to our clients three brains and to settle ourselves.

How to detect a brain overdrive?
Gut overdrive:
Reactive, impulsive, action oriented, in emergency mode
Heart overdrive:
Concerned with self-image, impact on others, caught up in other people's lives, living on the sidelines, waiting, hoping
Head overdrive:
Plan/prepare, what cd go wrong, too much visioning and trying to do it all, comes across as cold, calculating, impersonal

If you feel for example client too much in head, ask what the heart says? (and vice versa)

The complete leader has all 3 brains working though not automatically at the same time, with:
- own Point of View
- own values
- courage of convictions

Head leadership:
Strategy, re-thinking, reframing, developing a POV, looking for ideas inside and out
Heart leadership:
Balancing, trust, compassion, commitment, knowing what's important, understanding and overcoming obstacles
Gut leadership
Take risks, risk and reward, integrity, tenacity, persevering, not being afraid to make tough decisions.

Step 1: Understand who I am (values/beliefs)
Step 2: determine own POV
Step 3: Have the courage to do the right thing

As coach, integrate the right mix of behaviour at the right time , at times "respectively provoking".

Complete coaching is when coach and coachee consider the input of all three.

With thanks to speaker Vikki Brock https://www.linkedin.com/in/vikkibrock
and Nico Samaras https://nl.linkedin.com/in/nico-samaras-0760751

Creating Inspired Planning for life and business – 2015 check-list

Vanessa Smith wrote it all in such a perfect way, I am sharing, with her permission her check-list!

The New Year is upon us and if you are like most of us with value-centered businesses, you may want some new tools to put some new revitalised energy into your planning for 2015. And don’t forget that this planning is the same when planning your own life goals.

Ask yourself ‘What if you could create a plan that is infused with energy or “potential wanting to happen” in a greater sense? What if, as I prepared my plan I started from a big picture perspective incorporating not only the now and the past but the future as well?

Wouldn’t it be exciting, energising and very empowering for all concerned?

Planning should involve an inspired action plan which is infused with vital energy involving intuition, creativity, flexibility, soul, and potential rather than only operating from the left side of our brains (form, transaction, intellect, ego, outcome.)

When we operate from a more holistic place using both sides of the brain, we create from a place of connection to what exists rather than only operating from what we can see and what has come before us. Certainly if we don’t allow wisdom, imagination and challenge into our planning, we will only re-create what has come before. It will never have the potential to be all that far reaching.

As you create using left and right brain the plan will emerge from your talent and skills as well as from the wisdom and power of all that is unseen and undefined.

Check list:

1.  Work out your ultimate destination in a really big picture sense. In the biggest sense, what is it that you really want to achieve by what you are doing? What is your overall mission?
Just note down the overall rich, inspiring, exciting stuff. If, after discovering this, it is not exciting you, then it probably doesn’t have the power to move you, your life or your company forward. Think again and think big and mostly, enjoy the process! This is really important as this stage.

2.  Make sure you have your values (and the values of the team) in alignment and stated clearly, and also make sure that everyone understands what this means. Sometimes we each put different meaning behind words, so talk this through.

3.  Now look at your goals. How many goals do you have for the next year? Are they doable at a reasonable and invigorating stretch? If it’s just you and your life, or your company is small, don’t overdo the number of goals. What we are looking for here is quality not quantity. Remember that less is more and that you can get enormous mileage from fewer goals done well. One great success fans out and expands if done well.

4.  Now pick a date for next year and one or two goals that you are involved in now.
What do you want to have achieved by that date? Remember, don’t think small, and don’t only think doable. If your goal is easy to achieve, and you know you can do it, then you are thinking too small. By nature we tend to want to be right. So if we set ourselves a bigger challenge and a date to have it done by, we tend to stretch ourselves that little bit more because we want to be right.

5.  If you like, plan a celebration for that date. Perhaps the date is a special date for some reason in your country or in your life, or perhaps it is significant for your company. This makes getting there all the more inspiring.

6.  Next, ask yourself who you need to be to achieve that goal? What qualities do you need to evolve in you to reach that new place you have never been before? In other words, what’s it going to take? You are creating something new and it’s going to take someone new to get there. Start now to identify and evolve these qualities in you

7.  What do you need to have achieved by then to reach your goal? Imagine now that you are three months off reaching your goal in the future. What do you need to have achieved by then? Note these down and then step “back” in time to the present moment. That is, three months, one month, one week, 24 hours or whatever feels right for you.

8.  Remember to be kind to yourself especially if you are a driven achiever. If things are not working out the way you planned – maybe there is a bigger thing wanting to happen that you haven’t put in your plan! Go back to the big picture at the beginning and make sure you are in line with it. Give yourself a break and loosen the reigns when needed so the energy leads you.

We are not only our minds; our intelligence stretches way beyond our heads. Wake up to them and use them. Infuse your plan for 2015 with all the wisdom, creativity and intuition you walk around with each and every day and remember that if it feels exciting, inspiring, a little bit scary and challenging, it will have the energy to move things into a far more inspired future.

Vanessa Jane Smith, Leadership Coach, Visual Facilitator, 0031 (0) 646598328, www.craftingconnection.com

Breathing through your heart...so liberating

Following on from my last blog, I would like to elaborate on the "breathing through your heart" concept that Vanessa introduced me to.
Like most of you reading this, I was initially perplexed! Obviously you do inhale the air through your lungs but picturing it as moving in and out of your heart I found incredibly powerful. Both soothing and energizing and would strongly recommend you suspend disbelief one moment and give it a whole- hearted try.
I can re-transcribe but there is not much point in it and I would not want to take credit for something that is not mine.
Hence I re-direct you immediately to the source: the Institute of HeartMath: www.heartmath.org


Wouldn't it be wonderful to add more ease to your life anytime you want? You can by simply connecting with the qualities of your heart.

HeartMath's Heart-Focused Breathing Technique can guide you to a state of ease in just a few minutes.

The technique is as powerful as it is simple and can be used anytime you want to create greater relaxation or more energy.

Heart-Focused Breathing Technique

 1. Heart Focus: Focus your attention on your heart area. Breathe a
    little deeper than normal, in for 5 or 6 seconds and out 5 or 6
    seconds. You may find that placing your hand over your heart helps
    you maintain your focus there.

 2. Heart Breathing: Now imagine while breathing that you're doing it
    through your heart. Picture yourself slowly breathing in and slowly
    breathing out through your heart area.

    (Maintaining your focus and breathing through the heart area leads
    you naturally into a state of ease. When you're ready to proceed
    with the rest of your day, you'll do so with more energy and
    resilience for future challenges.)

The scientific term for this simple and quick tool is
psychophysiological coherence: Ever heard of it? Keep reading.

Physiological Coherence

"Coherence is the state when the heart, mind and emotions are in
energetic alignment and cooperation," according to Institute of
HeartMath Research Director Dr. Rollin McCraty. "When the physiological
coherence mode is driven by a positive emotional state, we call it
psychophysiological coherence."

Those who've practiced [1]Heart-Focused Breathing through the years say
they have experienced: a sense of being uplifted and alive; more
peaceful and less rushed in their busy lives; a deeper heart connection
within and with others.

We invite you to experience the benefits of this simple technique by
trying it for yourself and whenever you are feeling stressed or want
greater balance.

With care,

Sara Childre,
President, Institute of HeartMath
Link:
Heart-Focused Breathing
http://www2.heartmath.org/e/17232/t-heart-focused-breathing-html/9rz25/230697175

So how did that feel????
Enjoy that liberating glow!