Detecting your legacy

This is the part where it all comes together: your roles and responsablities and what was important about them for you, the core values you have detected by using any/all of the questions we mentionned 2 weeks ago, and what insights arose from the "beginning with the end in mind" exercise of last week. This is the red thread, where all of the above is condensed in a few words, or a few sentences or maybe more than that in what represents YOUR mission statement: your constitution. So what is your mark on the world? What do you want to be remembered for? A Personal mission statement should have the following qualities: - it is not invented, but detected - it is unique to you - it represents the best in you - it is higher than yourself - it covers all significant roles - it is to inspire and not to impress. It is worth the time and effort as this mission statement becomes your constitution: the criterion by which you measure everything else in your life. The beauty of it is that this is by no means " lost time" the time it takes you to detect it and word it, because in effect, the process itself, the inner journey you take, is just as important as the product. It makes you question your priorities and align your behaviour with your beliefs. Knowing what is important to you, knowing what you need to do, and doing it. I agree with Stephen Covey when he says: " A mission statement is not something that you write overnight. It takes deep introspection, careful analysis, thoughtful expression and often many re-writes to produce its final form." But when you do get it, and everything sort of clicks into place it is such an emotional and grounding feeling: yopu come together as a whole! I admit to having gotten quite emotional when I finally got that far! But just as our life is " work in progress", we need to regularly review and fine tune it over the years. Find your mission, cultivate it, integrate it, live it, review it! With thanks to Stephen Covey and his book on " The 7 principles of highly effective people". Final quotation from Robin Sharma (from the book: The Monk who sold his Ferrari): " The purpose of life, is a life of purpose." have fun! Let's make it happen!

Begin with the end in mind

This is one of the many valuable suggestions leading American coach Stephen Covey mentions in his best seller: " The 7 Habits of Highly Effective people" . Continuing on my mission here to raise your awareness of the importance of being aware of what legacy we are leaving behind knowing that all of us have a unique purpose, mission in life which gives direction and meaning to our life. That we need to detect it and it is through living it that we feel fulfilment and happiness. We have covered so far why it is important and started defining our roles and our core values, but today I wanted to mention this exercise which is maybe faster to do and will help point you in the right direction. Sit somewhere quiet where you will be undisturbed, with your notebook and pen ready to capture your thoughts and relax... Imagine yourself quietly entering a church, you walk gently down the aisle noticing many people you know in the aisles alongside. The atmosphere is subdued and peaceful. Maybe the organ is playing and rays of sun are filtering through the painted glass of the church windows. You see a casket on the alter surrounded by flowers and gently approach it... And yes, it is you lying there peacefully at the end of your life. Once you have recovered from the shock, you sit to the side and listen to the service. Three people take turns to talk about you and the impact you had on their lives and on the lives of others: a family member, a friend and maybe someone you worked with if relevant. What do they say about you? What was your mark on the world? Is it what you would want them to say? I had quite a revelation when I did that and one of my sons stood up to talk. He somehow mentionned some of the things I would have wanted him to: That I was funny and had loads of ideas and encouraged and motivated them but he also said I pushed a lot and could get quite bad tempered when they didn't fulfil my expectations, that it was hard living up to my standard of always doing your best, that I was always very busy rushing about doing hundreds of things at the same time and didn't make time to really listen to what they were saying....and I knew this was true. The advantage of this formula is you can work on it immediately and start living the life you want to have lived and having the impact you want to have on others RIGHT NOW. So let's make it happen!

Core values: what do you need to be happy?

Our values are our guiding principles and they measure the meaning that life holds for us. They are like a compass ensuring we stay on purpose, the purpose that we have detected as we move through the various paths of life.

Our goals, dreams and desires are merely the vehicle for fulfilling our values.” What we do depends on what we feel about what we know” . So to come back to our life destination, values are the compass by which you direct your life. Identifying and clarifying them helps us make decisions and ensure that we don’t drift through life but live on purpose. Thomas Mennard said: “ Needs drive us, values guide us”.

So what is important to you? With my clients we start basically brainstorming, letting all ideas out before making sense and categorizing. I prefer not providing a shopping list as we then tend to choose ones we think we should have or that others think we should have, but prefer detecting our values from our life. There are various questions you can ask yourself:

- Peak moment in time: when was a time you felt particularly happy? A time when just everything seemed right? Who was there? What was happening?
- Suppressed values: what makes you really angry? Then flip it over and find the values which are being suppressed.
- Must haves: sometimes some values are particularly clear to us and we know if we dont have them in our lives, a part of us just withers away.
- Obsessive expression: what do your friends make fun of you about? Often these things reflect a value which is particularly important to you
- What do you do really well? We often do really well at the things which come naturally to us.
- What do you enjoy sharing? Same thing really, the things we enjoy sharing are often the things closer to our heart.

Once you have a list, a pattern will start to emerge, hence the importance of writing them down. Do not worry too much about the precise wording. You can start by stringing a few words which represent to you more or less the same value together and group them under headings.

You need however to keep drilling to make sure they are actually values and not what we call " means values". What does X bring me? Money for example is not a value but a means value, when asked: what does money bring you, the question will deliver the value: security, recognition…

Group, compare, prioritise, until you get to 8 core values: the names or categories only need to make sense to you.

By now you should start to feel parts of you coming together and a mounting excitement at the clarity it brings.
This is usually not a 5 minute process. It can take days and months to fully feel you have the essence of what is important to you. The important thing is to launch the process and be ready to capture what emerges over the days, just let it come and flow.
It is a wonderfully grounding experience to be able to crystallise your personal happiness into eight or so words.

Good luck! Just let them come and next week I will explain another exercise to help you detect your personal recipe for happiness: beginning with the end in mind.

Let's make it happen!