Do you operate from a position of wholeness?

I realized this week that I don't...and boy did I learn!

As in most professions the french adage that "the sons of the shoemaker have the worst fitting shoes" is true. As a coach I needed to stand back from my own analysis and Vanessa Smith from Crafting Connection gave me the best Xmas present I could envisage: she SHOWED me all of who I am, based on what I was saying.

She combined letting me do my usual stream of consciousness with powerful questions and summaries, all the while pulling the essence from what I was saying and drawing it (full marks to her for keeping up with my high tempo). She then took me on a journey deep into myself now, then moved me on to where I would be in one year before bringing me back gathering action points...

One part which really impacted on me was the breathing technique she used (but more on that next week!

The vital element for me and the title of this blog is our need to recognize, accept and integrate the whole of who we are. We all have parts of us that we prefer to lock away, maybe those associated with vulnerability. That was my case and the little girl in me, I preferred to lock away, as she made me feel scared or insecure, was always hurt and doubting...The analytic adult and the wild darer in me decided she really was a burden and preferred to keep her muzzled..Yet every now and then she would escape and go on a rampage, and the energy of keeping her down was exhausting...Through this session I came to acknowledge the little girl is a powerful part of who I am, gives me empathy and gentleness, a lightness and simplicity and an ease to be in the now. She should be allowed her say.

What about you? Are there sides of you which you struggle to hide as they don't fit in with the image you want to give of yourself or because they bring up strong emotions?
The beauty of us as humans comes from our diversity and the complexity of facets which create our unique individuality.
Maybe you know which aspects of yourself you need to address? Maybe you could use a a coach to guide you gently towards acceptance?
The feeling of wholeness, the peace of not fighting oneself and the self confidence of having nothing to hide are so worth the process...

I do need to add that what really was the cherry on the cake for someone as visual as myself with such lousy drawing skills, is the pictures Vanessa made. A series of drafts during our 1,5 hour session and an amazing final picture using my metaphors, words, including all of who I am and where I am going which serves an an incredible anchor for me to hold on to as I look forward to 2015.

More information at: http://crafting-connection.com/personal-purpose-quest

Identity: which three words make you feel complete?

Following on from last week and the search for our core values where I used Steven Covey's image of a compass giving direction to our life, I came across this quotation today:

“You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.“

- Jim Rohn

I do believe in synchronicity and that when you are open to something, you see the signs so thank you Jim Rohn! 

These words reinforce Covey's message of the core values being the compass we check our life by, knowing that at times we will be off course and need to re-adjust the direction of our life, in possibly as little time as just overnight, to be aligned with our true selves!

In life things happen fast: we speak fast, sometimes regretting our words:  and act fast, sometimes wishing we had made other decisions. At these times it may be hard to bring to mind our whole compass with all our core values.

What I decided to do was distill them down to three, which I could bring immediately to mind, reminding me what is crucial for me. Values and words  which would make my heart beat with a feeling of completeness and purpose when I say them.

It took a while.

First I brainstormed and wrote them all down. Then I tried to prioritize them asking myself without much time to think: "If I had to choose between X and Y, what would it be?" and then....they emerged, almost as if THEY had found me....

I paused welcoming the warm, thrilling feeling as they resonated through my veins. Yes, that is who I am and how I want to live. No compromise:

HONESTY - INTEGRITY - VIBRANCY

Which three pulse in your veins? Share with me...

To a fulfilling life of purpose and passion: Let's make it happen!

Realising and accepting what we dont want is hard enough, but how do we find what we DO want?

As mere mortals we like to play it safe, and prefer jumping once we know where we are landing.

Sometimes however it takes a leap of faith, faith that life will show us the way and as Des Brown says: "Sometimes you just need to jump, and grow your wings on the way down".

All the opportunities of where you may land are exhilerating, but also overwhelming and pretty terrifying. The world seems so big, physically, mentally, emotionally.
Where to start? Where does one want to land?
I would say, like with all new journeys, we start with checking our inner compass: our core values.

 Do you know what they are? If not, it may well be worth giving it some thought. After all they are the most important thing to us, they are what decide if we are happy and fulfilled or depressed and frustrated.
 In my case my values of honesty, authenticity and my need to make the most of every moment were conflicting with my values of loyalty and my family values. Still, at the end of the day I was making no one happy and my inner turmoil was reflecting in physical symptoms. I believed I could uphold my family values with a patchwork family idea ( so far so good, we see each other a lot, have family meals together on Sunday..etc) and the concept that it was actually more loyal towards my husband to set him free to find more absolute love elsewhere. (Miraculously he already has found someone very special).
 Sometimes our values are clear to us, we know what we stand for, or in some cases we know what makes us really mad, and that is usually something going against our values. But it is not always so obvious to define the things which are at the centre of our being and without which we are not in line with ourselves. "If in doubt, get your values out".

Give it some thought:
 - What is essential to you?
 - What can you not stand?
 - What do others say about you?
 - Identify a peak moment in time when you were really happy: who was there? What was happening? what made you so happy?

 Tip: Hyrum W. Smith has a good exercise and process to uncover your values in "What matters most".
 Once we know these core values we have a genuine compass at our disposal to guide us through life. Sometimes we get off track, but they are what helps us find our way again.

 Good luck! A good coach will also help you uncover them if you need some neutral but guiding outside help!
 Let's make it happen and live a full, purposeful and meaningful life!

Recalibration

Well it has been a long break, but a needed one. Authenticity, self-analysis, decision and execution. It sounds simple but the bigger the decision, the more we get lost in what we should do and forget the true us until, fed up of seeing the signs ignored, the body takes action, sends out the symptoms till we have no other choice than to listen. Seen my mission in this blog is to share life tools and tips and reflections out of my professional life, self help books and life experience I will share in this case my personal story. After 15 years with our three children moving from Cameroon, to Uganda, to Senegal and Berlin, we returned to my husbands home country the Netherlands two years ago. And little by little my balanced life started to unravel... Whether Repat Blues, midlife crisis, changed financial conditions and a less "exciting"life, or my memories as an adolescent here...I started to feel suffocated and miserable in all areas of my life. The children needed me less and less, I needed more professional outlets, Holland is physically small, and the differences between my husband and I on many subjects just seemed to become more and apparent. I put it down at first to a general midlife overview where I felt I was short selling myself but refused to ignore the most serious component: my relationship. I refused to admit there was anything fundamentally wrong listing all the reasons why everything was fine. First and foremost our three beautiful children, how generous and caring and supportive he has always been, the languages and love to travel we share etc...but reasons without the right feelings ... My body started creating a whole litany of ailments which could not be ignored and over two tortuous years I circled and circled till suddenly I knew. I knew that OK was not enough for me, nor was it fair on him. The day I saw this, all my stress and inner battle, and with it the symptoms disappeared. We took it one step at a time, first living companionably under the same roof, informing family and the children. I am blessed with a husband who though at first shocked, hurt and angry, grew to see that he may in effect be happier with someone else. The children initially distraught are taking it in their stride and we are managing so far to stay best of friends with family meals on Sunday, sharing the car...etc For that I am grateful. The house is full of laughter and the children also go with pleasure for a weekly meal and sleepovers at Papas. Sure I am worried, where to live ( I have never lived anywhere more than a few years), money, job ..etc. Will I lose the only life I know: expat child? Expat partner? I guess now I am expat. Holland will stay my home for as long as the children are schooled here and after that ...who knows? The world is my oyster and more than anything else, I feel authentic, whole, knowing that despite of difficulties, I know deep down to the core of my being that this is the right thing to do, for us all. For now I have no desire for another relationship, I revel in my freedom and my children and the new path ahead. So now I am back on track, feeling I can ethically coach again and renewing with the wonderful world of self improvement and this blog. Now this is not a line of action I recommend, but are there areas of your life needing to be revisited for authenticity?